Haydn made Rum a fresh drink. “Teela’s business is in Australia.”
“And she can’t do it long distance? So what? She wouldn’t need to work, she’d be with you.”
“That’s not something she’d ever want. To live off me. To give up her own life to vacation in mine. She’s ambitious and driven and doing really well for herself.”
“You’ve known her a couple of nights.” Rum tossed the towel on a side table. “How can you know what she wants other than what a one-night stand is for.” He folded his arms behind his head. “Wall-to-wall sex, baby. You’ve had a dry stretch, that’s all this is.”
Yeah maybe. Haydn went back to his lounge. No. Enough kidding himself. He could raise an eyebrow and fix a dry stretch. He hadn’t been interested in doing that for the best part of a year and the thought of replacing Teela was giving him indigestion.
“I don’t want anything permanent. I definitely don’t want marriage. Certainly not squalling, sticky kids. I’m not dissatisfied, I’m just—”
“Pining.”
“I liked her a lot.”
“Whoa, man. Where is this coming from?”
“Teela made me happy.”
“When were you not happy? You can buy happy. You particularly can buy a lot of happy and the rest is the right attitude.”
He’d basically taught Rylan Rumble that little nugget of wisdom. He was a complete fraud. “I’m lonely.”
“And you mean not the kind of lonely that another filthy weekend or a new live-in lover will solve?”
He shook his head. Now that he’d said that out loud, he felt the weight of it. Money could buy a lot of happiness. It could buy health and friendship and well-being, but he’d never understood till now that it couldn’t stop you from feeling alone and low, even when you were filled with purpose and surrounded by people.
“You’ve had some fantastic women in your life, what’s the deal with this one?”
It wasn’t about Teela. She was a symbol, that’s all. A timely reminder to stay on top of his life the same way he stayed on top of his career, and not to deny that while his body enjoyed sex, his soul craved connection. “She was fun. She didn’t take any shit. She made me think about my choices, that’s all.”
Rum laughed. “If your acting career falls over you can always become a politician. You can lie with a straight face like the bastards in Washington.”
“I’m not lying. You don’t spend your life not believing in the one and then find the them in a weekend on the other side of the world in an apocalyptic rainstorm. That’s how lust works. Love, I don’t know how love works except what books and movies tell us.”
“Why can’t you find love like that? Your parents did.”
But it was fleeting and when Mom died, Dad spent the rest of his life pining for her. And here Haydn was pining for Teela. The longer they were apart the more he wanted to pick up the phone and call her. Jump on a plane and spend another weekend with her. What a disaster.
He covered his face again. None of this made sense. If Rum looked at his internet history he’d find dog shelters and WebMD and the Mayo Clinic, because he’d gone so far as to search for success rates for vasectomy reversal, because if he wanted a long-term relationship, a deep connection with all the trimmings, then he’d have to put his best self forward and no woman he could love would want her decisions about a family taken away from her without a discussion.
“Once I get back on set, I’ll get my head together.”
“Your new co-star is delicious and has a freshly broken heart so there’s that kind of getting your head together to look forward to.”
Bebe Kane was a beautiful woman he admired for her acting chops. If she was interested, hooking up was a neat solution that would last as long as they were working together. “Sounds like a plan,” he said with all the enthusiasm of a spilt drink.
Rum held his glass out for a refill. “You know you’re fucked, don’t you?”
He took the glass and went to the bar. Here it comes. “What did you do this time?
“It’s not what I did.”
“Whatever it is, can we get it over with, the waiting around is killing me.”
“Yeah, so fucked.”
He mixed the drink. “I’ve always appreciated the creativity, but mostly it’s my team who have to do clean-up and it’s not fair on them.”