“I’m in love with you, Teela,” Haydn said. “Please get in the car and let me explain.”
It might be even be true.
She took a step forward and put her hand to his cheek. He had raindrops in his hair, a set to his jaw that told her he was ready to fight for her. “There are too many ways this could never work.”
“I had my vasectomy reversed.”
Her mother would’ve pushed her into the car. Evie would’ve locked all the doors. Rick just about did, mumbling to Hassan about finding somewhere to park that wasn’t likely to get them spotted and then turning up the stereo to give them some privacy.
“Why?” she said, when they were side by side on the back seat.
“Why do I love you?” Haydn took her hand. “Why did I have it reversed? Why did I show up with no warning? I love you because you’re nothing I expected, Teela. You make me want to be a better man, live a more fulfilled life. I love you because I’m not afraid of trusting you, committing to you. I showed up because it was impossible to tell you this in a way you’d believe except in person and I simply couldn’t wait any longer to know how you felt.”
She looked down at their joined hands. “You’ve been afraid?” It seemed so unlikely.
“Oh shit. So afraid of letting anyone get too close in case I lost them like Dad lost Mom.”
“That was a tragedy.” She squeezed his hand and let her shoulder brush his.
“My brain, my body interpreted it as a life lesson. Don’t fall in love because it will bite you either because fame and money are a supreme complication or because the person won’t see the real you, or they’ll leave you and you’ll never be the same again. You saw the real me and it only made me think he was on his way to becoming a sad lonely fuck-up who needed to do better. I take risks in my work all the time, but I was locked down in my private life. I didn’t think I could cope with my own family. In one night, you made me feel the need for a deeper connection. By the end of the weekend I knew there was no going back to the old me.”
Outside, the sprinkle of rain became a solid downpour. “You could have that with anyone.”
“No.” He leaned a little harder into her. “In my own way, over the years, I’ve tried. But I could have it with you.”
She couldn’t respond. Her head was full of doubt, raging a battle with her heart and its impossible banner of hope. She needed to pick a side. Commit.
The car had come to a stop. The harbor was a blurred wet, gray backdrop. She recognized their location as one of the old wooden finger wharves at The Rocks where restaurants and theatres abounded. It was too early for any of them to be trading and they were safe from prying eyes and since Rick and Hassan had gotten out of the car and made a dash for shelter, they had all the privacy they needed.
“I know I’m a difficult proposition.” Haydn said, shifting sideways to face her. “I have to win your trust. I have to show you I mean it when I say I love you and I want to be with you, wherever that is.”
Doubt was practical and Teela had always been that way. A broken engagement had taught her to doubt she’d find a partner who wouldn’t feel threatened by her ambition and was secure enough to support her.
“You need time to think about this. Please say you will,” Haydn said. “I’ll back off to give you space. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
“You worked on your begging.” The right amount of respect and low expectations.
He laughed. “Teela, you walked into my night wet and unexpected, a delightful diversion, but you seeped into my skin and invaded my conscience and you changed me. I love you. I need you in my life. If you send me away, I’ll sulk. I’ll get another dozen dogs. I’ll get counseling about how to move on and find something that can make me feel the joy you did.”
Joy was in his laughter and his smile and in how she felt in his presence. There was doubt but there was also upside. She was a calculated risk-taker and never let a good opportunity pass her by. “That would be a lot of dogs.”
“Turns out I’ve got a lot of love to give.” He kissed her forehead, brushed his hand over her head. “It’s all yours if you want it.”
On a sliding scale of I like this man to I’ve met the love of my life, and he is complicated and wonderful, this was put a ring on it.
“I want it.” Haydn blinked on watery eyes. She leaned into him and kissed his cheek. “I want it so badly I’m not convinced you’re not a figment of my imagination.”
He put his arm around her and drew her into his side. “I’m real, Teela. More real with you than with anyone else.”
“How do we do this?” She could feel tears building. To have his love but not know how to keep it was going to wreck her. “We’re not easy pieces to fit together.”
“I figure we make it feel real by exchanging contacts. My phone number for yours. My address for yours. Our own private message app. We start by courting. I’d like to meet your mom. Let’s work up to Evie. And me being able to show up in your office without an appointment.”
“Isn’t that going backwards?” It was hand holding when they’d turned each other inside out with sex.
“I want to fill
in all the pieces I skipped with you. I don’t want to miss a single thing or go too fast, or risk losing you. Are you saying you’re up for it?”