Holding His Forever

“How many beds you got open right now?” I ask her, and I know from the look on her face the answer is zero. I’m not taking a bed from a woman who is here hiding from her husband or lover. Not going to happen.

“I got it covered. Don’t worry about it.” I try to reassure her because she has enough to worry about as it is. I can either get a hotel for the night or go over to one of the normal shelters in the city. Either way, I know I’ll figure it out. I always do.

This fire might have set me back, but I’ll pick myself up and get it together. It might drain the meager savings I have to buy new clothes and a deposit on a new place. I’d planned to use that money on finishing my last semester of college this fall, but I’ll be able to do that once I get back on my feet.

Oddly, the thought of missing out on enrolling this fall doesn’t seem to bother me as much as never seeing Derek again. His face comes to my mind once again. It never fully leaves me. There was just something about him.

“New family just got here. She has three kids,” Nora says, breaking into my thoughts. Grabbing my clipboard off my desk, I go to meet the new family. I hope I can stop thinking about how I miss a man I barely even know.

“Seems like you’re kind of in a bind,” Sam says, running his eyes over me with that look a cat gets when it’s finally caught a mouse. Tracy just stands there and stares at both of us, looking just as pissed as she did the other night when she walked into the office and found out Sam had offered me the managing position. I’m thankful she’s pissed, because now she’s like a freaking hawk, watching everything that’s going on, and Sam can’t get me alone to ask me questions or press me about taking the job, or anything else he might have in mind.

I really wish I could quit this place, but now that really isn’t an option at all. In fact, I have to make enough tips tonight to cover a hotel room. After the new family came into the shelter, I hadn’t been able to slip away to the bank to get cash before it closed. For a few hours, everything had slipped my mind but them. I was trying to make them feel welcome and safe, trying to make it seem less like an upheaval.

“I’ll be okay. Luckily there are a few extra uniforms here,” I say smiling, trying to hide how uncomfortable this whole situation is. I just want to work and be left alone, maybe just go back to daydreaming about Derek. I wonder what he’s up to, if he’s thought about me at all. I regret not taking his number. Maybe there could have been something. A deep loss hits me again.

10

Phoenix

When I get back to my place, I knock on the door and wait for Fia to answer it. She hasn’t called me, but she could still be sleeping. I can’t help but picture how I’d left her in my bed, and a sweet hum takes over my body. She had looked exhausted when I’d gotten her back her last night.

I wait for a few moments, but don’t hear any movement on the other side of the door. I’ve got tons of bags in my hands from all the stuff I bought today, so I decide to just go ahead and use my key to let myself in.

When I get inside, I go to the kitchen, wanting to put some of the food away, and spot her note. My stomach drops to my knees when I see that she’s left and isn’t coming back.

Panic starts to pump through my veins, and I stand still for a moment, trying to assess the situation. I read the note over and over again, hoping that I read it wrong. Just then my phone buzzes, and I grab it out of my pocket without bothering to see who it is.

“Yo, Phoenix. It’s Jim. Captain called me from the station earlier and asked me to pass on my preliminary report to you about the investigation. You got a second to go over it?”

I want to hang up and run out to find Fia, but then I realize I have nothing to go on. I only know her first name, which feels crazy to me with all the things I’m feeling for her. Jim, the lead investigator for the police department, is my best chance at any kind of information about her.

“Yeah, that was good of him to let you know. I’ve got a personal interest in finding out what happened, so let me know everything you’ve got.”