Errol rubbed his hand over his bearded face. No idiot, he must’ve known a showdown was overdue. “I was hard on you. Harder than I should’ve been.”
“You were right about me.” Mostly. “I had the enthusiasm but not the skill. Wasn’t fit to string Abel’s guitar back then.”
“I should’ve known you’d put the work in. I should’ve been more supportive.” Errol put his bag down. He wasn’t dodging now. “I failed you.”
That was too easy. The puzzle of it sat in Jay’s gut, undigested anger and frustration. There had to be more to this. Before he managed the band, Errol taught kids who thought Chopsticks was playing the piano to get their E
lton John on.
“You thought I was a flake.” The king of wishful thinking. “A dreamer who’d never put the work in,” he said.
“I was wrong, and I can only apologize for that.”
Errol was uncomfortable and he wasn’t faking sincerity, but that wasn’t the apology Jay needed. “You wanted to break Evie and I up. You wanted me out of the band.”
“No. I wanted the best for Evie. I wasn’t trying to break you up, just cool things. I wanted Evie to have her shot. Exactly as I told you. She was young and absorbed by you and her brothers. I only wanted her to have space to make her own way. She could be one of the truly greats.”
It hurt to agree. Errol had gotten his way. Time for answers. “What happened?”
Errol frowned. “You haven’t talked to Evie about this?”
“Evie can’t forgive me.” Despite saying she did. He wouldn’t be forgiven until she kissed him willingly because she wanted to, not because hormones and endorphins tricked her into it. “You told Evie I was going to let her down, that she couldn’t rely on me.” That’s why she reacted the way she did, all or nothing. “You primed her for me to bail on her. And I walked into it. It was the same with the boys.” Mum was right. How had he never seen it like this before? He felt like taking a swing at Errol. Knocking the man off his feet might ease the useless ache he felt. “You wanted me out and you helped it along.”
Errol looked away. “I only wanted what was best for my family.”
The worst part—the part that churned and spat inside Jay is that it was true.
“I loved Evie. I still love her. Your sons were my brothers. You were the closest thing to a father I had. I trusted you and you sold me out.” He’d not wanted to believe that had happened and now he felt evil drunk on it.
“It was a mistake and I’m sorry.”
Now that was a dodge. “It wasn’t a mistake. You didn’t wake up one day and decide I was no good for your family. You sowed seeds. You created doubt. You manipulated us all. I want to know why? I deserve an answer.”
“I got it wrong. I didn’t know you’d leave. I thought it would all sort out. You’d find another band to play with while you learned your craft and Evie would make her own way onto the stage.”
That wasn’t good enough. He starred Errol down. This bastard he’d once credited with helping him become a success, helping him become a decent man.
“Because I knew, Jay.” Errol put both hands to his head of graying hair, dug his fingers into this skull. “I knew then that you had it in you to become an incredible musician. But you were a dreamer. I thought you’d either burn out and take us all down with you or you’d swallow us whole. Everyone would be second to you. You’d soak up all the sunshine and air and the rest of us would have to scrabble around in the shade to find warmth. Evie was never going to place herself above you and she was ready to shine then, when there was no certainty you ever would. Yes, I wanted you out of her life. I wanted Abel to sack you and he wouldn’t, so when you didn’t stick around to fight for yourself I figured I was right about you burning out. You weren’t mentally tough enough to make it.”
“You were fucking jealous.” That such a dirty low-down, cut-price emotion could cause so much misunderstanding and pain.
Errol shook his head. “You were a wildcard, too big a risk. I had to be pragmatic.”
“You didn’t trust your own sons. Your own daughter to make decisions they could live with.”
The impact of that hit Errol like nothing already said, making him take two steps away as if Jay had physically threatened him. There was the guilt, the apology, he needed.
“You were right. I wasn’t tough enough. I didn’t know how to fight for what I wanted. I burned out on rejection before I found my focus. I would never have wanted to outshine my brothers. I would never have held Evie back.” His life had come undone over nothing but Errol’s fears and manipulations. “Thanks to you, it looks like I’ve done both.”
“Jay.”
He wheeled back around. “Does Abel know what you did? Does Evie?”
“No, I—” Errol looked panicked. Like a thief who knew he’d stolen from his own kids.
Jay was tough enough now. He knew how to fight for what he wanted and which fights were without honor. “I won’t say anything. I have no need to take from you what you took from me.”
Errol’s shoulders slumped. “Thank you.”