He said that as though he was only now coming to terms with it. “Why would you think I’d lie about that?” She was offended and really, she no right to be. He was only slightly off the beat in picking the deceit.
“Because there was a lie in here somewhere, Evie. An untruth, a misunderstanding. You loved to sing. You have a phenomenal voice. Why didn’t you try to make a go of it?”
Oh, there was the beat, loud and clear. “Fuck you. Did we not establish I have a career in the industry and I love my work?”
“You don’t sing. You don’t write. Unless you use a stage name.”
Now she truly was offended. She took her sunglasses off, the better to glare at him. “Who are you to say I should?”
“I’m the guy who loved you. Who knows how talented you are. Who left you because you needed to take your shot, focus on making it on your own.”
“What the fuck kind of revisionist history is that?” What. The. Fuck.
“Revisionist.” Jay swiped his hand over the table and sent their balled-up rubbish flying. “That’s my reality, Evie. I gave you up. I gave you up and it nearly broke me. I gave you up so you wouldn’t have to choose between me and your own ambition. And for fuck all. You didn’t even try.”
“I don’t know where you’re getting this from. Some book of fairy tales. You broke up with me.”
“I told you we needed some time apart. You took that to mean we were over and you and the boys cut me out like I had a terminal disease you might catch.”
“You don’t think Evie we need time apart isn’t a breakup?” Just as well they had the park to themselves, she was yelling.
“I didn’t think it was a permanent one. Just that you needed space to work your own stuff out.”
God, men could be such idiots. She put her glasses back on. “Then why did you say it?” She yanked at her hair trying to drag understanding into her head. “Why did you push me away? Why did you leave?”
“Because I thought I had to. I thought I had to for you.”
“That makes no sense.” There was anguish in the pinched lines between Jay’s brows and the way his lips flatlined thinly. “Why would you think that?”
He looked away, a muscle in his jaw going hard. “For one thing, you didn’t do anything to try to hold on to me.”
That made less sense. Although it was true. She hadn’t tried to hold onto Jay, as if deep inside she’d always expected him to be fickle, to grow tired of her and want out. “I, Errol. I.” She hadn’t tried to fight for Jay, to talk him around because Dad had been right about him after all.
“Why didn’t you fight for me, for us?” he said, anger making his words clipped.
“You didn’t give me a chance.” Excuses. Worse than the shielding lie about needing to work that she’d told earlier. But he wasn’t going to put this on her. No way.
“You didn’t call, message, write.” Jay was leaning into the table, all the muscles in his chest gone tight. “I waited to see you chart, to hear your voice, and nothing. I gave you up for nothing.”
Evie squeezed her eyes closed. “You promised we’d be forever and I believed in you when no one else did.” He wouldn’t see her eyes were wet behind her sunnies. “I did fight for you. For all the time we were together. I fought Errol. He said you were too weak, didn’t have the guts to stick. He said you wouldn’t stand by me. I fought him for so long about you and then you proved him right because you wanted out. You did everything he said you’d do. You broke your promise, and you quit on all of us.”
“Fuck.” Jay stood, both hands to his head. “Tired of you? I could never be around you enough.”
That’s how she remembered it. The craving to be together. The satisfaction and comfort when they were close.
“You never wanted to sing?” he said.
“I love to sing but I never wanted to be in the spotlight.” Another thing she’d fought with Errol over. “How does that even matter to us?”
He left the table abruptly and walked towards a stand of scraggly trees. His shoulders were up and his movements jerky, he kept his back to her, hands clenched in fists at his side.
The sun was baking the wooden picnic table, making cicadas shrill, but Evie was chilled through. Why would Jay think he had to break up with her? She’d thought they were in love. She’d had no clue he was unhappy when he bounced the we need time apart thing on her. It had felt like such a betrayal, and now he was saying he wasn’t unhappy, that he’d done it for her and the decision had broken him.
That he’d given her up for nothing.
Her stomach was churning so badly she wanted to vomit. Not nothing. She’d fought with Errol over and over about not wanting her own band, not joining her brothers, not trying for a solo career. She wanted to be a session singer or write for other artists, but Errol had been horrified by that. A waste of her talent. He’d made it his mission to get her to change her mind because he was convinced that if she didn’t try, she’d regret it for the rest of her life.
Did he ask Jay to leave her? Was that part of his plan? Errol never thought Jay was good enough for the band or Evie. Did he think Jay was holding her back? That without him she’d fall in line and live the dream he’d wanted for her.