She let the door swing open and he stepped inside. She’d never wanted him to go in the first place, but he’d made her angry, made her think he really didn’t want her now she was jobless and slumming it.
She left the door open. There was one last thing to get clear. “I don’t have money to lend you.”
His lips twitched, his eyebrows shot down. He made an ominous rumbling, growling sound.
She held up a hand. Ironically, after demanding he speak, wanting him to shut up until she finished. “I have enough to keep myself going, but I gave a big chunk of my savings to a marathon victims’ fund.” She dropped her hand, fully prepared to ask him to leave through the open door if this went sideways. “Now you can get all outraged.”
He opened his mouth and laughed. “I banked nearly half a million on the sale of Buster’s house. I never wanted your money and I don’t need it now.”
Not angry with her. She took a step back in surprise and closed the door. Not using her. It was her turn to laugh. He had more in the bank than she did.
“I do need you, Cinta. Tonight. Tomorrow. As long as you’ll have me.”
She folded her arms across her breasts, aware her shirt wasn’t hiding much, but his eyes were fixed on hers. “What is this?” Insanely good sex, some kind of connection, still, not something she could define. But she was cold, and he was the promise of such blissful warmth. He took two steps and he was in front of her, touching distance, and she wanted to touch so badly.
“This is two people mucking around together.” He took his jacket off and put it around her shoulders. It was deliciously toasty and it smelled of him.
“Mucking around?” He did mean the sex; well, she could live with that, her very own fuck buddy. She had the time now, and a relationship so casual was a good fit.
“Trying each other out. Seeing if their rough bits don’t scratch too sharp. If their worn bits don’t embarrass too much. Seeing if they can be better with each other than they are alone.”
Warmth crossed the barrier of her skin, like his words soothed her anxiety. “That sounds like a relationship.”
He gave her a raised eyebrow and then he spoke. “The start of one. Maybe.” He put a hand to his head, pushed it through his hair. “New language for me.”
But not for her. Just not one she was fluent in. It wouldn’t be comfortable with him either. It was safer for her heart to stay alone. “We should keep it casual.”
He shook his head. “There isn’t anything casual about us. We’re already past that.”
He was right, they’d skipped past casual and crashed into the crush zone. Why else had she not been able to shake him from her thoughts? But she didn’t want a total takeover, a merger of their lives. “I don’t want to be tied down.” She didn’t want to be so caught up in him she forgot what she wanted for herself. That was never happening again. “I might have to move interstate or overseas for work.”
He didn’t appear to know what to do with his hands, finally folding his arms like she’d done. “Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“You call the shots. I don’t care what rules you make. I want to be with you, I’ll suck ‘em up. I don’t, l go.”
She stood in the leftover warmth of him and he was close enough to kiss. She wanted to kiss him, but he confused her. Why would he give her control like that? He was a hothead, a rule breaker; she’d seen him in action and he’d admitted he flamed out at work. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I know casual,” he made that rumbling sound in his throat again. “I’m a fucking specialist in casual, and I know alone and I didn’t feel that with you.”
“What did you feel?”
“Different.”
She held still while words he didn’t say chased across his face. He sighed and his reluctance felt heavy, weighed down by his acceptance that if he wanted her, he needed to give up his password, let her access his thoughts.
“I felt challenged, but secure. I want that again, for however long you want to give it to me.”
She was warmer but she still shivered. Get this man talking and he said things that made you want to fall in love with him. “I don’t know what to do with you.”
“Yeah you do.” He unfolded his arms; let them fall easy at his sides. “You always knew what to do with me. You took me to bed and yo
u made me want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.”
She needed him to touch her. “And you let me.”
“Sure I did. Look at you. You’re the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”