Jay’s big hand folded over hers. “Cin, how are you really?”
“I’m doing well, I promise.”
“You’d let me know if you weren’t?”
She nodded. He’d helped put her back together twice now, after Brent when she’d been so angry and doubted her own judgement, and after Mace when she struggled to make sense of the world and come to terms with her decisions.
“I. Ah.” It had to be okay to hear news of him. She had to be strong enough by now. “God, you’re leaving me hanging out here like a dirty dishcloth.”
Jay went to the fridge, took out a carton of guava juice and poured them both a glass. He made a production out of it, taking his time. She didn’t want the damn juice; she wanted to hear about Mace, to know he was doing well, living his dream, like she was hers. To know what she’d done by calling them over had been right for him.
“Oh for goodness sake, Jay. Spit it out.”
He fussed around putting the juice back in the fridge and it occurred to her maybe this was a bad idea. Six months. Mace could be married and have a kid on the way. He could be a drug addled Silicon Valley reject. He might’ve collapsed under the stress or stood on a desk, flamed out and quit. He had form there. She felt queasy and hot like she might vomit up breakfast.
“He can be a miserable so and so. Rude, aggressive, no time for fools and not hesitant to tell them so. He makes enemies. He doesn’t care what people think of him. He’s been known to shout and to hide in his office for days, rarely speaking to anyone. Never seen a man so focused. He’s almost impossible to distract or intimidate.”
Jay went back to his stool and sat. She swilled juice in her glass and felt sick. Mace sounded out of control, a liability. She couldn’t stand to think about him coming so close and losing it.
“But his staff worship him because he’s smarter and quicker than every Stanford grad they’ve hired, and he wo
rks harder. He’s also not afraid to apologise. And that goes a long way to earning him forgiveness. Man’s an exact fit with the tech entrepreneur role, like all the groundbreakers before him. He’s going to make me and all of the investors very happy. There are men and women like Dillon out there, not many, but they’re around, but people like Mace,” Jay shook his head, “rare and special.”
She drank the juice, guava and relief a potent combination, but no aid to hiding her feelings and Jay was an expert at reading them.
“Oh, don’t get upset. You knew most of this about him before I did.”
She picked up a tea towel and twisted it into a rope. “Is he?” It was fine to know he was doing so well, but it didn’t answer her other questions. “Has he?”
“Shouldn’t matter to you.” Jay took the tea towel out of her hands and smoothed it out. “You only wanted him to be successful, right? Happy, personally fulfilled wasn’t part of the deal you struck.”
“You’re still angry with me.”
When he heard what she’d done, how she’d chosen to send Mace away, Jay had been tight-lipped and grim. But he’d never once questioned her decisions or interfered in her life. He stood beside her and offered her friendship.
“Not angry. Frustrated. Look at the two of you; professionally stunning, but personally useless. Stuttering around in uncertainty, insecure when you should be standing taller than most with the gifts you both have. I am somewhat offended by the waste of precious resources.”
She laughed. It was enough of an answer. And it was an apt description of where she’d been; hooked by uncertainty, second-guessing by habit. But confident people could doubt and falter, brave people could waver and be afraid. Absolute certainty didn’t have a postcode, age range, gender or profession. It was human to hesitate, make mistakes and need to start over.
“He will move on, Cin. Or crash-land spectacularly and drop out to raise llamas on some commune. There is that slightly unbalanced edge to him that’s part of the way his brain functions. But he’s not there yet. He’s hiding in work and I have no incentive to suggest he’s found.”
“Spoken like a true corporate raider.”
He grunted his disagreement. “I build. I don’t raid.”
She knew Jay had other demands today and she wanted to be alone to think about what she’d learned. She could be pleased she’d let Mace go. She could be thankful that sacrifice had paid off, for both of them, much as it still caused her pain. “I should let you get on with things.”
“Like you are, huh?”
She gave him sixteen-year-old eyes again.
“Jacinta, you need to move on too.”
She matched it with sixteen-year-old ‘tude. “I’ve moved on. How can you say I haven’t? I have a new career, I have friends, I have a life I like.”
He snorted. “Like.” He spat out the word as if it was deeply offensive. “You’re walking around as if you’ve had a stroke.”
She shook her head. “That makes no sense.”