Les nodded around a mouthful. “I just assumed he’d be all, she’s a lard arse, she’s not desirable, she’s just sport. He never did a single thing to suggest he’d treat me that way, but I treated him like every other guy who did. We almost broke up over me being so insistent about him being a bastard.”
Audrey leant forward and kept her voice low. “You had sex.”
“No, we had SEX,” Les yelled.
Half the patrons and staff in the cafe froze in place. One wit said into the silence. “I’ll have what she’s having,” and there was a ripple of laughter and groans. Audrey nearly choked again, but this time on embarrassment and humour.
“We have sex all the time. We can’t stop. It’s fantastic. If I wasn’t having lunch with you, I could be having a quickie.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me I’m an idiot for hesitating. For damning the poor guy because he looks like the kind of person who’d sooner tell a fat joke than want to friend a fat person. Aud, he wants to know me. I mean he really wants to know me. He knows I don’t like Chinese cuts of chicken and the whole zombie thing makes me squeamish. He knows my favourite songs and how I get frustrated by supermarket advertising, and he’s never once laughed unkindly at me.”
“This sounds serious.”
Les shook her head. “It’s not like we’re going to be forever or anything. He’s not what I want in a partner long-term and I’m not what he wants, but I never thought I’d be saying the words, ‘what I want in a partner’. Never thought I’d have a choice in the matter that wasn’t lose weight and get cosmetic surgery, be alone, or settle for whoever would have me.”
“Oh, Les.”
“It’s true. I thought those were my best options. Same as you thought having Mia alone was yours. But Polly’s given me confidence. He’s given me other things too, lots of things that start with the letter O and I’m not going to settle now. I’m going to treat myself with a little more respect, just like he does.”
“Having Mia alone was my best option.” Nothing was surer than that. Audrey raised her eyes to the waitress. She needed more coffee. There was an email in her box from Barrett she hadn’t opened yet but the subject line was ‘Sydney Bound’. It would be good to see him again. “And I’m so happy for you.”
“Forget me, what about you? You look well. I know you keep telling me you are, but now I see it. Too skinny still.” Les mouthed the word ‘bitch’.
“I feel good. No more headaches, no more tingling. I don’t get so tired anymore.”
“And?”
“And what? I’m worried about losing my job.”
“Don’t make me ask out loud, if you’re having,” Les sucked in a breath and Audrey leapt in to stop her making them the centre of attention again.
“Yes, okay, yes.”
“And.”
“Now I’m supposed to kiss and tell.”
“I just spilled my lard like guts on the table.” Les made a come on gesture. “Give.”
“Yes, we’re sleeping together, and well, you’ve seen him. He knows how to use what he was blessed with.”
Les clapped and gave the come on gesture again.
“It’s good. It’s great. We’re having fun.”
“That’s it?” Les waved. “Hi, I’m Les. You know, your very good friend. What don’t you want me to know?”
“Nothing.” Audrey saw the waitress approaching, with luck that would interrupt Les. “It’s like you and Polly. He’s great for my health.”
“Bullshit.”
The waitress stopped at their table. She looked at Les. “You’re a feisty one.” She looked at Audrey and rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry we don’t serve alcohol.”
Audrey settled on a latte then turned her attention back to Les. “I’m in too deep with him.”
Les’ mouth made an O, but no sound came out.