She might as well have run them both into the eye of a hurricane.
In the barn, he was the heat and she was the pressure and they were made to go together with enough chemistry to create a raging storm.
She was such a fool not to have recognized what he felt for her. A monster to have played with his affection. She took her full mug back to the sink and tossed the contents out. There was no time in her life that Zeke wasn’t there. Even when she was working and sleeping with Cal, there was always Zeke. He was constant and committed and she’d never once considered he wouldn’t be there for her when she needed him.
She’d never once considered what that singular faithfulness might have cost him.
Zeke’s hand to her waist made her start. They were alone, the cabin door open, sunshine streaming in. “She’s gone for a walk to think it through,” he said, hand stealing around her middle. “I’m sorry, Aurora Rae.” She leaned into him, trying to steal his strength, like she’d already stolen so much from him. “You know it has to be this way.”
Her eyes burned. She had to clear her throat to make a sound. “I didn’t mean to make things difficult between us.”
He tried to turn her to see her face, but she resisted. Bad enough the comfort of his arms, if she looked into his stranger’s eyes she’d be lost.
“I shouldn’t have pushed things.” He buried his face against her neck and mumbled, “You’re just so fucking sexy, I was useless to resist you.”
She pushed her hand through his hair, her vision misty. A dozen quips stomped around in her brain, I’ll try to rein that in. Thanks for noticing. All in a day’s work. Back at you. They died in her throat when he said, ?
??And I’ve wanted you for so goddamn long.”
She tried to turn then, and he stopped her with his hands and his words. “We’re going to be fine. It happened. We went there. I don’t regret it. Nothing we can’t handle.” He went for a playful tug on her ponytail. “This is an artificial situation and it’s not surprising we’re feeling the strain. Right?”
She got the word, “Right,” out. Saying it felt like a betrayal. When he went to step away she gripped his arm, fingers like talons, her chest on fire.
“Let go,” he said, and she did, seconds before the steps creaked and Cadence appeared. Releasing him from her thoughts wasn’t going to be that easy.
“I’ll do it,” Cadence said. “I’ll bond with you.”
And Rory knew how out of balance she was when that felt like betrayal too.
Chapter Nineteen
Lollapalooza. The annual bonding ceremony was like a high school dance on shrooms. It was by far the strangest event Zeke had ever been to. Like a swinger’s party without keys in a bowl.
Abundance’s version of Married at First Sight started out like the last barbecue social down to the strung-up lights and the band on stage, but there was an extra frizz of excitement in the air and people were dressed up for the occasion. There was also a special seating arrangement that had all the pregnant women and bonded couples sitting at tables at the outer edge of the dining area and all the unattached singles front and center.
That’s where he sat with Rory and Cadence, wishing he had a stiff drink in front of him to go with his ribs. The three of them had a plan to survive this ceremony but it was risky. And he was worried for Rory. Had to hope Orrin kept his promise to keep her on ice for a while longer.
Ah fuck it, hope was for suckers. Having to rely on it was gnawing at him. And it wasn’t the only thing. He had to find a way to get some distance from Rory emotionally or neither of them was going to be making decisions worth a damn. He kept wanting to put his hands on her and the effort to restrain himself made his neck ache.
He tried to coax Cadence into a conversation, but his attempt was so half-hearted, his attention so fractured by Rory’s nearness, her legs, completely covered under a skirt alongside his under the table, he gave it up and attacked his plate.
They’d all be assigned new cabins tonight. Rory would get a new cabinmate and he’d share with Cadence. He had to hope they were allocated a two-bedroom cabin but there was no guarantee and he wasn’t looking forward to more nights sleeping on a hard floor.
Shit. There was that word again—hope. He pushed his plate away as Rory stood, bumping against the table.
“I need some air,” she said.
He raised a brow. They were outdoors. It wasn’t air she needed. “You okay?” She wasn’t anywhere close to okay. And that was his fault.
She shook her head. “Don’t do anything interesting till I get back.”
“Don’t be long,” Cadence said. “There’ll be some announcements and then it’ll be time.”
Rory left the table. Time, that was what he needed. A few minutes away from the epic distraction of her to get his head in the game. He watched her dodge her way around the clustered tables. People looked her way, but no one tried to talk to her.
“It won’t go on forever,” Cadence said.
A year for the bond. He could not sleep on the floor all that time; a new incentive to make sure they got the evidence they needed to break Abundance up sooner rather than later. Rory had made it to the edge of the gathering. She looked back and caught him watching. He should’ve looked away. He could still feel her smooth skin under the rough, torn callouses on his hands. He could still feel her body shake as she came, flush against him.