Getting Real

“Low key, they don’t think there will be much trouble here. Tall poppy syndrome works in their favour,” said Jake with a shrug. He wondered about that. Aussie fans were generally considered more laid back, some even said more respectful—if you could believe that—than fans in Europe or the US.

“When do we have talent here?” asked Bodge.

“Tomorrow afternoon.” Jake knew for most of the crew it would be a long night with only snatched sleep until the next evening. There was still no sign of Jonas, so he decided to wrap up. “Anything else for now?”

“Reedy, what are they like?” asked Teflon, one of Bodge’s crew.

“They’re pros, Tef,” said Jake, thinking of how well organised Rand and Rielle had been yesterday, despite the family feud. “It’s going to be a good tour.”

“Reedy, mate, come on,” Teflon urged, wrinkling his forehead under his red bandana.

Jake laughed. “You guys want me to dish dirt on them, you bloody sods.”

“Does a chicken have lips?” said Teflon.

“No!” several people said at once.

“Oh!” Teflon said, his head suddenly jerking forward as Bodge whacked him one. “Is the Pope a Catholic then?”

“Tef, you’ll meet them tomorrow,” said Jake, still laughing.

“Reedy, we just want to know if she has lead singer disease?” said Bruce. “I want to know how hard I have to work to make her sound right. She could be all auto-tune for all we know. Is she any good?”

Jake shook his head. “I haven’t heard her. We’ll all find out together.”

“I just want to know if she’s as fit a bird in person as she is in the music vids.” said Collin, giving Bruce a nudge.

Jake just grinned and received a chorus of appreciative, “Ahhhs!”

“I’ve got a question,” said Bodge. “How reliable is the ‘book of lies’?”

All eyes switched to Jake. An accurate tour program was important, it saved time and money, but more importantly, it let everyone know where they needed to be and what they needed to have done by a specific time and date.

Jake put his open hand down on his copy of the tour bible. “Scout’s honour, this one looks good.” But he was worried, without Jonas’s input they only had the written tour bible to go by. If it was inaccurate, they’d be in trouble.

“Hey Jake,” called Teflon. “There was a rigger, a fairy and a tour manager backstage and this genie appears out of the smoke machine and offers them each a wish.”

“Are you for real, Tef,” groaned Lizard.

“How old is this joke?” said Glen, slapping his forehead.

Teflon continued, “The rigger says, ‘I’ll have a number one hit single, twin girlfriends, and a house in Byron Bay.’ And the genie waves her wand, and the guy disappears in a puff of smoke.

“Well, he would,” agreed Bodge.

“The spark fairy says, ‘I’ll have a platinum album, a yacht and a harbour view penthouse.’ And he disappears in a puff of smoke too,” said Teflon.

“Gotta love that,” said Tim.

Teflon looked around at his audience, gearing up for the punch line. “The genie turns to the tour manager and says, ‘Anything you wish for is my command,’ and the tour manager says…”

“‘I want

those two bastards back here right now!’” chorused the men at the table, making their waitress look around in surprise.

Ah, it was going to be a good tour.

5. Cheap Seats