Jake stood with his back against the door, the tension in his shoulders popping the muscles in his neck and arms.
“Rand once told me if I broke you I’d have to pay. Well, here I am, Jake. Make me pay.”
In one blink he was in front of her, aggressively towering over her, forcing her to jerk her head up to see his face. “Are you seriously trying to kill me?” he shouted, face contorted.
She looked into his eyes, so dark and hard. “I’m trying to explain.”
“I thought I got you. I was so fucking wrong. I thought you were a goddess, but you’re a heartless bitch.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“You were cruel and deceitful and vindictive.”
“I was all that and I’m sorry.”
“You took away all the things that made sense to me.”
She said, “I’m sorry,” and she’d keep on saying it until he heard it and understood it. Jake was breathing heavily as though his lungs were full of water, as though he might drown in his anger. “You stole my sleep, you gave me endless nights.”
“I wanted you to forget me. You weren’t supposed to love me so much. I’m sorry.”
“Fucking hell. How could I forget you? You were my fixed point, my sanity.”
She said, “I didn’t understand and I’m sorry,” and she’d keep on saying it until he let her love him again, even if it took the rest of her life. She had no idea what else she was meant to live for.
Jake was being a fuckwit and he knew it and he couldn’t stop it happening. He wanted to shake Rielle til she rattled. Shake her til everything he loved about her was sprayed all over the floor where he could stamp on it, crush it once and for all, and never need to feel like this again—like he was being ripped in two, like he might never be a whole man again.
“You—” There was a roar building in his head and heat filling his body. He couldn’t look at her anymore, look at the tears filming her eyes or watch her breath coming in snatches as he beat her down with his words. He recognised how close to tears he was himself and turned away. “I can’t forgive you.”
Rielle stepped up close behind him. He could smell her perfume, not the complex fragrance of cosmetics, something simpler and softer. She put her hands against his back
and God help him, he shifted his weight into her palms.
“I’m sorry, Jake. I get it.”
His voice shook when he said, “I wanted to forgive you. I thought I could. I don’t have it in me.”
She slid her hands around his waist and his head dropped forward. “I’m sorry.” It was a whisper caught in her sob.
He put his hands on top of hers. She must’ve thought he was going to peel her off and fling her away. She braced, but he pressed his hands down, running them along her arms, grasping her elbows and dragging her closer to him so she was pressed against the length of his body. It was torture. It was heaven. It was hell.
“If I can’t have you, I can’t forgive you,” he said. And when he felt her shudder, he released her arms and turned to look at her. “We can’t do this, Rie.”
“What do you want?” She sobbed as he stepped away, curling in on herself, hugging her sadness.
“I’m like an idiot kid.” He pulled at his hair in frustration. “I want something that’s not real. I want what we’d started to build.”
She straightened up. “What if you could have that?”
He growled. “I can’t. It was a lie. It was just another performance to you.”
“No, that’s wrong. It was never about that with you. I loved you. I still do. It’s why I ran. It’s why I’m here.”
She lied—she had to be lying still. Jake kept his voice low, kept his eyes on her, trying to read the truth in her face. “You’ve changed. I can see you’re stronger now. It’s hard for me to imagine how you remade yourself. But I know you don’t need me anymore, if you ever did.”
Rielle’s chin lifted. Her face was wet, ravaged by tears. “You’re right. I don’t need you, but I want you. I choose you. I’m not whole without you.”
All the fight had leached out of him. All his anger deadened. “I told you, I don’t have anything for you.”