“Not both?”
She shook her hair out so it fell around her face and shoulders. “Not both.”
A woman who rationed herself like she did had respect for limits. She wasn’t being stubborn for the sake of it. If he told her what he felt he’d suffocate her. “Then you need a new costume more than you need an expensive meal.”
She plopped down on the sofa beside him. “And what do you need?”
Live on your feet or die on your knees. “I need you to fall in love with me so I can admit I’m in love with you.”
Her mouth opened, her intake of breath was sharp. Oh fuck. He was a useless cowboy.
She narrowed her eyes. “But I have to go first.”
“Yes, because you’ll never believe me. You’ll always think it was only about the sex. You’ll always think I don’t know what I’m doing, don’t have enough experience, that I’m lust struck.”
He got off the sofa, but then he towered over her so he sat again. “I know what I’m doing.” Right, couldn’t even decide whether to sit or stand, fuuuck. No choice but to commit. “You’re it for me, Zarley. Air and water and sunlight. All the mathematics I never knew I needed and now I can’t live well without. I want to be in your life for the rest of mine.”
“Oh, Reid.”
He stood again. Took a couple of steps, put some distance between his words and her reaction. He’d never seen her look so tense. “If you’re not in love with me, it’s not like it’s the end of the world. I’ll go on, I’ll have a good life, a great life, but it’ll be less if it’s without you.” It would be choosing to stay on his road alone when he’d learned there was another better way. “It will be less everything.”
“Reid, stop.”
“I learned my lessons. I know about sex. I know how to please a woman. I don’t have to be embarrassed anymore. You were an excellent teacher. You got the job done.”
“Reid, please.”
Zarley was on her feet too but he had to get this finished before his chest tore open. “But you fucking ruined me for anyone else. If you don’t think it’s possible to fall in love with me, you should tell me now, because I can’t pretend any longer and I need to get my expectations straight.”
She took a step toward him and then another. He couldn’t read her expression. It didn’t seem possible he could get his life back together if she wasn’t part of it, but he’d just asked her to treat loving him like a key performance indicator.
“You’re impatient.”
He let a breath go but his lungs were still seizing.
She advanced on him. “You’re pigheaded. You’re argumentative. You sulk. You look at me as if I make the planet spin.”
One of those items was out of place. “What are you saying?” He felt like he might bring up the supper he’d eaten.
“You’re the most bullheaded man I’ve met. Worse than any coach I ever had.”
He wanted to turn his face away so he didn’t have to see his own unending as it rammed into him.
“You weren’t supposed to mean anything.”
Wait. He shook his head. “You’re angry with me, because I mean something?”
“I’m furious.”
“Well, fuck.” What was he supposed to do with that? Why did anyone bother with relationships? They made no sense.
“I don’t have time for you.”
That was easily fixed. They had open date tickets. “When we get back—”
“Shut up.”
He bit down on his tongue.