Broken Silence

“Movie?” Abby offers. It's met with a few mumbles and noncommittal shrugs.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys before bed, if that’s okay?” I ask tentatively. I'm not brave enough to look up yet.

“It’s so weird to hear you talk,” Trent says with a small laugh.

“Go ahead, Charlie. What’s wrong?” Alice surprises me, she isn’t usually the type to show concern. I smile in reassurance.

“Nothing is wrong. I wanted to finally tell you guys about my past. Now seems like a good time. After all you’ve been through with me, you deserve to know,” I answer softly. Everyone settles down on the rug and we each take a newly filled mug.

The hot chocolate works out perfectly, keeping my voice from getting hard to understand and soothing the ache. I know I’ll regret it tomorrow, but it’ll be worth it.

“You can share if you're ready. Don’t feel like you owe us though, friends and partners are there for you, regardless of what we know about your past,” Abby speaks up as she walks over, sitting next to me. The others form a circle around me, knee to knee.

“I want to,” I say firmly, as she takes my hand and Cole rests his on my knee. They're offering me support in their own ways. It's now or never. I can do this.

Monday

Evening

Charlie

“Three years ago, a friend encouraged me to go to a party. It wasn’t something my parents were okay with, so I snuck out. That was a typical occurrence back then. While I was gone, two men broke into my house. When I snuck back in, I noticed someone had been in my room. I thought I was busted and almost walked downstairs but heard what was going on before I could. They had my parents and brother downstairs, so I called 911. I hid in the closet, waiting for help to arrive. After some shouting, I heard three gunshots. I managed to not scream, but one of the men came back up to search for me again. They knew exactly how big my family was and didn’t like that I was missing. He eventually found me and dragged me out of the closet, and when I struggled, he used his fist and the back of the gun to hit me on my throat. The other guy yelled that the police were almost there, and he shot me over his shoulder. His aim was off, and I didn’t get hit like he hoped,” I say, raising my shirt to show the small scar on my side. They all wear serious expressions, but don’t look freaked out beyond saving... yet. I take a deep breath and a long pull of my cocoa.

“I ran downstairs as soon as I heard the front door. I found my parents and my brother dead, hunched over and tied to chairs, blood everywhere. I screamed and couldn’t stop; I broke mentally, I think. With the damage he’d already caused, I made it worse. Hence why it took so long to heal and I have so much scar tissue. The cops tried to calm me down and lead me away, but I wouldn’t listen. I can still picture it, from every drop of blood to their vacant, unseeing eyes. It was terrible. That’s why I have nightmares. I have to relive that scene almost every single night. Meeting you guys was the first time I started to get a break from them. Until the attempted kidnapping and eventual kidnapping.” I finish the first part of my story with deep breaths, trying so hard not to sob. The pressure of Cole and Abby holding my hands helps ground me, my back still resting against Adam’s chest.

“I’m so sorry,” Adam whispers, his voice choked with emotion.

Alice has tears running down her cheeks as well.

“Did they find out who it was?” Trent asks.

“No, remember they reopened the case recently,” Abby reminds him.

“I knew who it was, they said it was a job. The police wrote it off as a traumatized kid not remembering details correctly. But a man found me a year later, but when he found out I couldn’t talk, he left me alone. He said if I told anyone or tried to talk again he would kill me, so I didn’t tell and I didn’t talk. At that point I had bounced around from a bunch of foster homes in town. My friends abandoned me, and everyone in school forgot about it. I eventually went from someone they felt sorry for, to a freak. My best friend decided me not talking was too much for her. She knew the doctor said I could talk with physical and vocal therapy, but I refused. Once it healed, I sounded like a different person. I wouldn’t talk because I couldn’t bring myself to. I was embarrassed by the way I sounded, and it ruined my dreams of singing on Broadway. The worst was that I lived and they didn’t. Talking meant I would have to answer questions and try and live my life. I just couldn’t do it. I thought about giving up a lot in that year. I didn’t want to live without them, live with that pain. It was probably survivor’s guilt, but it was unbearable. I couldn’t do it though, knowing my mom would be so mad at me for even thinking it,” I confessed, ashamed.

“Don’t be embarrassed, I don’t think anyone would blame you for dark thoughts in that situation. We won’t judge you, babe. I’m thankful you didn’t,” Cole says in a low voice.

"Me too. You've changed my life, all of our lives," Abby says, bringing my hand to her mouth for a kiss. I give her a watery smile. She's too perfect.

“I struggled so much with that survivor’s guilt. If I had been home, I wouldn’t be here. To deal with it, I managed to turn off all emotions as a coping mechanism about three months in. After all of it, I was just done crying and feeling. It was just too much. So I turned into a human zombie, for lack of a better word. I went through the motions, but it wasn’t really living. I was too much to handle for most foster homes, with the gossip and my screaming nightmares every night. So I went from a normal life to one where nobody wanted me. The fact you guys wanted me when I got here, that was big.” I make eye contact with each of them, giving them an appreciative look; I want them to realize just what it means to me.

“Misfits stick together, and we recognized one of our own,” Trent teases, always trying to lighten the mood.

“The people who kidnapped you, were they part of all of this?” Alice asks. I nod.

“I don’t know what all you guys know. My dad worked for a company and found out that they weren’t doing ethical practices. He found out the boss funneled money into a different organization, and they killed him for it. When they found out someone else was involved, they killed them too. It was by luck that they found the link in the cases and reopened my family's case. I found some evidence in my dad’s office supplies. The police assumed it wa

s a robbery gone bad, so it wasn’t properly searched. When the police questioned the boss, the organization realized I was a threat. Hence, the attempted kidnapping and abduction.” Cole looks like he wants to interrupt but doesn’t want to stop me from talking. I glance over and he gives a sheepish smile.

“Was the counselor involved? We obviously heard she was arrested, but it seems so crazy.”

“I don’t think she was to begin with. They just found an easy person to pay off. She wasn’t a good person, so they used her to get me. She didn’t think she would get caught, but I told Sophia about her before she told them lies. When they tried to grab me, I shoved my phone into my bra, hoping I could use it later if they didn’t notice. They didn’t. They emptied my pockets, and my bag got left behind so they thought it was safe. That place was hell, guys. They kidnap teenagers and elderly people to do human trials on. It's a form of pre-clinical trials experiments. Mine was healing, so they pumped this crazy vitamin and chemical mixture into me, then gave me the cuts and broken rib to see how rapidly I would heal. I assume I would have been given a lot more infusions while they monitored it, but I was rescued before it continued. The guards and their leader beat me because I struggled and fought. The guy who explained everything to me said it was a huge operation, though. I’m going to strengthen my voice and become an agent someday. I have to end this.” My voice takes on a hard edge as my determination leaks through.

“This seems like an awful scary movie,” Adam mumbles. He has that protective look in his eyes as he holds me tighter. “It’s over now. You have us to help you heal.” Such simple words, but I feel them in my soul.

“I’ve felt so broken. I feel like I’m a completely different person. In most ways I am. I no longer shield myself from people or try and fit in. I’ve learned it doesn’t matter. My heart and soul were shattered that night. As corny as it sounds, you guys helped me glue it back together. It’s like a broken vase. You can repair it, but the fractures remain. I’m stronger now, but I won’t ever be able to just get over it like so many thought I should,” I finish as the tears slip down my cheeks. Trent reaches over and wipes them off.

“That’s bullshit,” Alice exclaims. Everyone looks stunned. She isn’t usually the one using words like that or having outbursts. “No, that’s just so screwed up! Who would tell anyone to just get over it? People are insensitive assholes,” she rants, fire in her eyes.