Slowly, he turned back to her. For several long moments, the two of them stared at each other without speaking.
“No,” he said finally, and Tucker couldn’t lie. It hurt like hell to say it. “I don’t think Marley is coming back, and I haven’t thought that for a very long time.”
Abby shivered from the cold, her dark eyes huge as she stared up at him.
“So what are we doing then? You and me? I don’t want to be just the cliché, Tucker. I don’t want to be that girl who doesn’t mean more than a scratch for an itch when it needs scratching.” She blew out a breath. “We’re more than that and even though I’m not sure what exactly we have, I sure as hell thought that I was more than just a…a…a fuck.”
Shit. How could he make her understand?
He reached for her again and was grateful that she let him pull her in close. Wrapping his arms around her, Tucker closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feel of her. The smell of her. The fact that this woman was here with him, even if they were in the middle of the sidewalk attracting more than their fair share of attention.
“Abby, you gotta know that you’re so much more than that.” He rested his chin on top of her head. “You’re my best friend.”
He said the words and was more than a little startled at the punch of emotion that hit him in the gut. And also the ever-expanding ball of confusion. He needed to be brutally honest with the both of them.
Gently he pulled away, only a few inches, but he needed to see her, and she needed to know the absolute truth.
“We decided the other night to see where this goes, but the other night we were both buzzing with a hell of a lot of sexual need. And I think we both know that sex can screw things up. It clouds judgment and sometimes makes things that are small seem so much more than they really are.”
He waited a few seconds, trying to gather his scattered thoughts.
“But last night wasn’t small. Last night was incredible, and I can’t lie. I want you again. Christ, I want you right now, but…”
“But,” she whispered, leaning into his palm, those big eyes staring up at him as if she could see into his soul.
“You said you wanted to see where this leads. That you were willing to take it day by day. Abby I want that. I do. But you gotta understand that when Marley left, she took a piece of me with her. I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. There’s a part of me that’s just not…right. You have to know that it’s not you. It’s me. I’m the one who’s fucked up, and I don’t want you to…”
He looked at her helplessly. Was he even making sense?
“You don’t want me to fall in love with you.”
A car honked. Someone yelled at them to “get a room.” They ignored all of it.
“I’m afraid if we keep on doing whatever the hell it is that we’re doing, you’re going to get hurt. ” There it was. It was all he had. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
The way Tucker saw it, he would never love another woman. It was something that he wouldn’t allow. He’d barely survived Marley, and he was damn sure that he wouldn’t survive another dance with that devil. Love wasn’t in the cards for him, and he’d come to terms with that.
But he was sick of drifting. Sick of searching.
He was sick of being that damn tabby cat. So where exactly did that leave him? Did he end things before they began with Abby? Did he go back to the nameless, faceless sex that didn’t matter? Did he go back to the Sonya Devonishes of the world? Or did he walk the road alone?
He exhaled roughly. “You know what? Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”
“Okay,” she said softly.
“What was that?” His thoughts scattered as he focused on Abby.
“I promise that I won’t fall in love with you.”
A pause. This was unfamiliar territory, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed.
“Abby,” he said, more than a little hesitant. Should he be happy to hear those words? Because it wasn’t happy coursing through him. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was.
“Look, Tucker. I like you. You like me. We’re friends. More importantly, we’re really, really good friends. Right?”
He nodded.
“Really good friends who just happened to share a mind-blowing night together.”