Her Rebel

I’ve watched her walking every Friday morning on the way to the checkpoint, making sure she made it safely. And then again every Sunday evening on her way back home. I’d put word out that no one harms a hair on her beautiful little head. That she was mine.

From the moment I found her again I couldn’t stop watching her. I wondered why she was alone, how someone hadn’t bound her to them by now. I’m thankful no one has. I don’t want to think about what I might have done if I’d found her with another. I’m willing to give everything for the Insurgence, for my kind. Anything but her.

I’ve spent years looking for her. She disappeared as fast as her mother had. I had no idea she’d been offered a Regime scholarship. It was only luck I’d seen her walking by the old brewery that I’ve taken up residence in. I felt like I was being ripped in two as I watched her cross to the other side. I sat for days waiting to get another glimpse of her.

Then on Sunday, finally she walked back. As the sun set behind her, I noticed two sparrows behind her fly up to the top of the wall. I knew in that moment for sure it was my girl. She was the girl who was etched in my memory as a child. Even at that tender age I knew she was my destiny. I wasn’t shocked that she was a nurse. She was like her mother, always wanting to heal and to make things better.

That day I couldn’t walk up to her on the street and tell her what she was to me. I didn’t want to scare her away. And I knew she worked on the other side, so I had to be careful about who was watching. I didn’t know at first if I could trust her. I needed to keep up the facade of the local hermit to keep my cover. The only thing I could think of was to put the oil lamp in the window like her mother used to do. To lure her to me.

It worked quicker than I thought, and through the hidden camera, I watched her come to me. I shouldn’t have touched her like I did, but I couldn’t help myself. It had been so long, but the camera didn’t prepare me for the goddess she’d become. The shy smile and freckled face from childhood had grown into the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. When I opened the door and I saw her in front of me, I knew I was in trouble. It would be impossible to keep myself from touching her.

“This place is actually kind of beautiful,” she says when I take her through the open space of the old brewery. “You’d never think it from the outside.

There’s no sarcasm to her voice, and her smile is kind. I feel pride in how I have taken care of the place and I’m glad she likes it. Since I’ve found her I’ve been trying to make it more welcoming. I wanted her to want to stay here.

There are mats laid out and tables for the kids when they came in for lessons. I’ve brought in lanterns, furniture, and even plants. I want those who come here to feel safe, and now that Minnie is here, I want that for her, too.

“Thank you.” I smile at her. “I live here, so I try to make it feel like home.” Our home.

I keep that last thought to myself. Not yet, I remind myself. I clench and unclench my hand to get myself under control. Control that’s splitting with her so close to me. Being able to touch her, smell her. It’s a maddening feeling. How something can drive you crazy but make you want it at the same time, I have no idea. But it’s what I’m feeling right now.

“Are you kidding me? That’s awesome,” she says in wonder as she looks around. “I’d live here in a second.”

“That would be the ideal situation,” I say, and her eyes snap to mine. “For your training,” I add quickly, trying not to spook her, but it’s only for her benefit. I want her to be here more than anything.

It would be so much easier if she chose to be here. Because if I’m honest with myself, I’m not letting her go. Maybe that makes me as bad as those fuckers trying to marry her off. I’m not trying to turn her into some kind of robot or lap dog. I want her as mine so I can watch her bloom. To become the woman hiding behind that little girl who lost her mother years ago.

Her cheeks redden a bit, but she nods at me.