Red-hot anger coursed through Betty and she took a step forward, loving the hint of fear she saw in her sister’s eyes.
“He did choose me, remember? Or have you forgotten what you did that night?”
“Seriously?” Billie threw her hands into the air. “We’re going back to that?”
“It’s always been about that night, Billie. Everything that’s shit in my life…is because of that night.” Hot tears pricked the corners of her eyes and Betty wiped at them. She shook her head. “But don’t flatter yourself. Don’t think for one second that I want Logan for myself.”
“I don’t believe you,” Billie snapped. “Why can’t you just be honest? You want what I have. You always want what’s not yours and right now you want Logan Forest. God, when I think about the way you used to lead him on. You were such a tease.”
“Shut. Your. Mouth.” She barely managed to speak, because her voice shook so much.
“Truth hurts doesn’t it? It must kill you that he wants me. Poor little Betty, the big-time model who snorted her way through a small fortune and screwed more guys than she can probably remember. Now she has nothing. Well, who’s fault it that?”
“I hate what you have. How’s that for honest? I hate what you have because I’ll never have it. No man will ever fall in love with me and treat me with the kind of respect and love that Logan has for you. It will never happen. I’m the junkie whore, remember? The girl who likes to fuck, drink, and snort her way through life. The girl everyone loves to hate.”
“Well, it’s not my fault you’re a…”
The blood rushed into Betty’s ears and it took a second for her to focus. “A slut?”
For a moment Billie didn’t answer, but then she shrugged. “Your reputation is well earned, Betty. Everyone knows it. You can’t blame me for that. You did that all on your own.”
“No, no you’re right.” Betty said. “I can’t blame you for the fact that Daddy spent all his time with you. I can’t blame you for the projects I worked on that he barely glanced at. Or the dance recitals he always missed because he was somewhere with you. I can’t blame you for the fact that I did some pretty awful things because I wanted him to notice me. To get mad at me. Or something. And now it’s too late. Half the time he doesn’t even know who I am.”
“But—”
“Just shut the fuck up, Billie, and listen. I can’t blame you for those things. Not anymore. It took years of therapy for me to figure that one out. But I can blame you for what happened to me that night. I can blame you and I can hate you for it and trust me, that’s all I’ve got right now.”
Billie frowned. “What are you talking about?”
Betty was shaking and she couldn’t stop. Everything was there, stuck in her throat and slowly falling out. The words were like tears falling from her mouth, sorrowful tears…painful tears.
“I should have gone home with Matt that night, but I didn’t. Instead, I got high in the bathroom with Jenny Daniels while you were banging Logan Forest in the back bedroom. Of course everyone thought it was me, and at the time I didn’t really give a shit. What was one more notch on my bedpost? I was drunk and high. But when I tried to leave the party…”
Her heart was beating so fast and hard that for a moment Betty thought she was going to pass out.
“When I tried to leave Mick Valenti grabbed me. He was with Nate Parsons and Billie Owens. They were drunk or stoned.”
She glared at her sister, so full of anger…and so very, very, hurt.
“Everyone was in the house partying. The tunes where thumping, I remember someone blasting Alice In Chains. Mick grabbed me and dragged me into this shed out back. At first I wasn’t scared. I remember tripping a few times and laughing.” She paused as the images washed over her. “I laughed,” Betty said softly. “I tripped over a lawn mower and I thought it was funny.”
She shivered. Her stomach cramped and she thought she would be sick. But the words that had been stuck inside her for years couldn’t be stopped.
“Mick was pissed because I’d flirted with him for months…had even gone on a few dates with him but I’d never let him…we never…”
She swallowed. “He was really mad that I’d just given it up to Logan. Everyone at the party knew. So, he…”
“Oh, my God,” Billie took a step back, her face white as she slowly shook her head.
“He told me that I was a dirty, nasty, whore. Said I was a cock tease. Mick said that he and his buddies would make me forget all about Logan Forest.” Betty squeezed her eyes shut. “He was right. After that night
I couldn’t see anyone but him and his buddies for months and months. I still see them sometimes.”
“Betty what are you saying?” Bobbi’s hand slid over Betty’s forearm but she jerked away and gave a harsh laugh.
“I’m saying that no one heard me say, no. No one heard me scream for help. No one heard me beg them to stop. There was nothing but the three of them and the smell of beer and cigarettes and engine oil. It was ugly and dirty.”
Her voice fell to a whisper. “I was ugly and dirty.”