“She really is.” Blue swiped at her tears. “This is not what I pictured.” Her voice broke. “I thought her life would be less than, you know? I thought it would be beneath what I could give her. I thought she would be unhappy. Unfulfilled. I imagined her with this big void inside that would swallow her up and only I could save her.
“From the moment she was taken from me, I wanted her back. I thought that maybe she could feel my invisible arms wrapped around her tightly, protecting her and keeping her safe. That she would know my voice and my smell and the sound of my heartbeat. But I passed her on the street yesterday, and she walked by, and…” Blue made a sound that tore at his heart. “There was nothing,” she whispered. “Nothing at all. It was as if I didn’t exist.”
“She doesn’t know you.” Cam’s voice was gentle, and he moved closer to Blue.
“No,” she replied. “She doesn’t.” She blew out a long breath and leaned back onto the bench. “I got pregnant when I was seventeen and had Adelaide a few months after my eighteenth birthday. She was born on June third at two forty-three in the morning. I held her for less time than it would take to walk from here to the edge of this park, and then she was gone. I remember falling asleep and when I woke up it was dark. Quiet. The nurse stood at the end of my bed and she looked so sad. By then, it was too late. My stepfather and my mother arranged an adoption. They forged my signature, and I was left with nothing.”
Shocked, Cam reached for her. He slid his palm along the side of her cheek and she leaned into his warmth. “I don’t understand. Why would they do that to you?”
“My stepfather had political aspirations. He was afraid that if people found out about the baby, his career would be over.”
“I still don’t—”
“It was his, Cameron.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “The baby was his.”
His mouth dropped open, and for a moment, he had no words. His mind’s eye went black, and anger coursed through him, making his hands shake. “He hurt you?”
“No,” she said. “He didn’t force himself on me. I wanted to be with him. I was confused, I guess, and lonely, and we’d just moved and I had no friends.” She shook her head “He would tell me how pretty I was, and I ate it up.” She laughed, a hollow sort of sound. “My mother always said I loved attention.”
“You were a fucking kid. A teenager.”
“I was so ashamed.” Her voice broke, and she melted into him. “I’m still ashamed. I’d fantasized about making a home with him. About finally having my own family. Someone who would love me back as much as I loved them. And he let me believe that would happen. Right up until he took her away from me. Then he kicked me out of the house and told me never to come back.”
Cam’s hand fisted at his side, and he had to work to control the rage and anger that heated his skin and made his blood boil.
“I never told anyone about him being the father. Not even Cash.” She gasped, eyes wide. “Especially not Cash. He would have killed him, and then I would have had nobody.”
“What happened in Arizona?” Cam asked carefully.
“We, Cash and I…we paid this guy to find the couple who adopted Adelaide. By then I was in Vegas. I think Cash felt so guilty about not being there for me, he was willing to do whatever he had to, to help me find my little girl. This man, Kenny was his name, kept giving us bogus information and asking for more money, and eventually, we ran out. When Cash went to confront him, he found out the whole thing was a scam, and he lost his temper. He nearly killed him, and was charged. He did jail time, and it was all my fault.”
Cam pulled her close, and the silence washed over them. “Your brother made a choice, Blue. That’s not on you.”
“None of it would have happened if I had just left the past stay buried. He can’t know about Pete,” she whispered against his chest. “He can’t.”
“Okay,” Cam murmured. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.” He paused. “Where do we go from here?”
“I want my daughter.” Anguish laced her words, and she began to cry softly, and his heart split in two.
“We can still fight for her.” He’d march right back to that house and lay everything on the line if he had to.
“I want to.”
“Tell me what we need to do. I’ll call a lawyer.”
“I want that more than anything but I can’t take her away from this. How selfish would that be? She’s so beautiful and happy, and I can tell that her parents love her. She has the family I always wanted her to have. The family I dreamed about. How could I disrupt that? How could I destroy that kind of love? That would make me a monster. No better than Pete.”
“You need to be sure. Take some time with this.”
“I’ve come to the realization that life is a game. It’s filled with winners and losers. And we end up where we end up because of the decisions we make.”
“This one’s on Pete,” he replied angrily.
“No.” She shook her head slowly. “I could have said no. I slept with him because I could. And because I wanted to hurt my mother. I wanted her to see me, to stop looking through me. I wanted to hurt her as much as she’d hurt me. I got what I deserved, and I’m just now realizing I can’t blame anyone but myself.” She glanced up at him. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For hurting you. For making you believe I’m something more than what I am.” She sniffled, and eventually, her tears slowed. “Please hold Tawny close. Don’t ever stop fighting for her.”