She made a face and sighed. “What’s the point in living if I can’t at least enjoy all the things I love?” She ticked the kitten under the chin, smiling when it flopped onto its back and stared up at her. “I mean, God put sour-cream-and-onion chips on this planet for a reason.” She sat back and fixed her eyes on him. “But that’s not why I came by, Beck.”
Here it comes, he thought.
“I didn’t think it was.”
“Your father is turning sixty next month, Easter weekend, to be exact, and we need to plan something. I just wanted to put the bug in your ear. I’d like input from both of you boys.”
Relief, fast and hard, washed over him. Elise Jacobs was like a dog with a bone when she set her sights on something, and he’d been in her sights before, several times, in fact, and it wasn’t pretty.
Beck relaxed, rolled his neck, and sipped from his coffee mug. This wasn’t about him.
“I talked to Nathan last night.”
Beck sat a little straighter and narrowed his eyes because the look in hers had changed. She was good. Reeled him in, got him comfortable, did a bait and switch, and now she had him where she wanted him. “Did you.”
“Uh-huh.” She nodded and took a moment, those all-seeing eyes of hers not wavering. “You know we loved Cate like she was one of our own.” No beating around the bush for this woman.
“Mom,” he interrupted. “I don’t want to do this with you. I really don’t.” He got to his feet.
“You’re going to listen to me, Beckworth, and when I’m done, you can have your say.” There was no give in her voice or eyes, so Beck crossed his arms over his chest and waited. This was his mother, after all, and that gave her more leeway than anyone else on the planet.
“I won’t pretend to understand your grie
f, because it would be insulting if I did. I know a part of you died when that car hit her, and that piece is gone forever because it belonged to her. And wherever she is right now, she’s holding fast to it as she should be. But the thing about your heart is that it eventually heals. Of course, there will be scar tissue, and that’s a good thing because it means you’ve loved.” She angled her head to the side and shrugged. “Now, maybe you’re not meant to fall in love again. Maybe Cate is the only woman you’ll ever love. I don’t know. None of us knows.” She took a moment, and Beck’s arms tightened. He saw the pain in her eyes and felt it reflected in his own.
“But honey, you can’t stop living just because she’s gone. At some point, you need to open yourself up to at least the possibility of feeling that kind of connection again. Hiding in your work, staying out here for days on end when no one sees you, living in this house, which is in a state of controlled chaos, from what I can see… That’s not healthy. We just want you to be happy, Beck. All of us.” She sighed softly and curled her hands around the kitten. “Don’t you want to belong to someone again? Don’t you want a family? Don’t you think that maybe you’re looking at this wrong? That maybe someone out there needs you to complete them?”
Anger flared inside him. Anger that was always there, simmering under the skin. He chose his words carefully. “I had all that, everything you’re talking about, until I didn’t. Until Dave Matthews drank a case of beer and got behind the wheel of his truck. Until she was gone, and I got left behind. The thing you guys don’t get is that life isn’t like the movies. The guy doesn’t always get the girl and the house and the kids and the dog.” He took a moment to get his thoughts straight. “Look. Even if I met a woman I thought I could build some kind of life with, I wouldn’t do it. I’d walk away.”
“My God, Beck, why?” He saw the anguish in his mother’s eyes.
“Because it wouldn’t be fair. She’d be living in the shadow of someone she could never touch, and eventually, it would implode anyway, so why put someone through that kind of pain? I can’t do that. You need to understand that there will never be another Cate, not for me. She was my soulmate, Mom. As dumb and cliché as that sounds, I can’t explain it any other way. I barely made it through those first few years after she died. I was a mess. You were there. You saw. It was like I was underwater. Drowning. But once I realized that from that day I first laid eyes on her in sixth grade, right up until that last kiss an hour before she died…when I knew that would be all I’d have, that there’d be no more… That was a lightbulb moment. I was able to breathe again. I’m a realist, and I’m good. It might not be the kind of good you wanted for me, and it sure as hell isn’t the kind of good I did either. But I’m getting through it the only way I know how, and you and Dad and Nate need to get onboard, because I’m not having this conversation again. I’m sick of being set up with women I have no interest in other than a quick lay. Trust me, when I need to scratch that itch, I get it done on my own. There’s no problems there.”
Elise Jacobs was quiet for a few more moments and then slowly got to her feet. She wrapped Beck up in a tight hug and didn’t let go for the longest time. When she did, she cleared her throat and grabbed her jacket. Once she had her boots and hat on, she paused at the door.
Beck didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until he let it out. He was still tense. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop, because his mother was, if anything, the type not to let go easily.
“Okay,” she said softly. “But two more things.” She nodded toward the living room. “Promise me you’ll at least keep that cat. She found you for a reason.”
Wasn’t happening. “I’ll think about it.”
“And please give her a name.”
Beck cracked a smile and relaxed.
“And Beck?” She reached for the doorknob.
“Yes?”
“Apologize to that girl from yesterday.” She gave him a look. “Properly.”
“Who?” he shot back quickly.
“Nathan’s friend. He said you weren’t very nice to her. I raised you better than to be a rude asshat, Beckworth. Make sure you apologize, because that’s not something I’ll let go.”
Son of a bitch.
She got him again.