Love and Other Things (Crystal Lake 4)

“You’re welcome, and, Sid?”

“Yes?”

“Cee Cee booked my flight. I used your air miles.”

“I figured as much.”

Her sister walked over and kissed her cheek. “Make him see what he has if he’s brave enough to take it,” she whispered, and stepped back. “I’ll be here, waiting, because you’re stuck with me. Always.”

Sidney convinced herself that Beck’s truck wouldn’t be in the driveway, so when she spied it sitting there, for a moment, she considered driving past his place and forgetting the whole thing. But then she thought of her sister, of the fact she’d flown all the way from San Diego to make sure Sid did what she needed to do, what she had to do, really, and she pulled in behind him. She slid from her rental before she could change her mind and knocked on his door.

Beck opened it before she had a chance to knock again. His hair was a mess, his jaw shadowed with two days’ worth of beard, and he was dressed in faded jeans and nothing else. His expression was serious, his eyes soft, and they melted her heart without even trying.

“Hey,” he said slowly, moving aside to give her room to enter.

Jingle meowed from the counter and jumped onto the chair, watching them both with her little head to the side, those green eyes of hers blinking slowly as she did so.

“I was just getting dressed to come over,” Beck said, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Why did you leave?” She asked the question even though she was damn scared to hear the answer. She watched him closely, watched the play of emotion on his face, and her stomach fell. He was going to break her heart, and this time, she wasn’t going to be able to put it back together.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he replied.

“Why?”

He eyed her, and she saw the hesitation. He didn’t want to hurt her.

“Just say it, Beck. Is it because of what I said? Those three words no guy wants to hear unless he feels the same?”

He swore under his breath and looked up at the ceiling. She knew he was conflicted and in pain. This wasn’t easy for him, and it sure as hell didn’t make it easier for her. She had to say what was in her heart. It was the only way she could move forward.

“I came to Crystal Lake because I was in a bad place and knew I was too close to the edge of something even darker. After the miscarriage and Nick’s cheating and our breakup, I wanted to crawl inside myself and never come out. This place, the people here, you especially, made me want to live again. I wasn’t looking for this to happen, Beck. Honestly, I didn’t think I would feel this way again. Not in this lifetime. But it did happen, and…” She had to take a moment because she couldn’t break down, not now. “I love you,” she whispered. “That’s not going to change, and I need you to know that. But I also need you to know I can’t say those three words and get nothing back. I can’t.”

Sidney took those last remaining steps until she was inches from him. She placed her hands on his chest, felt his heart beat strong beneath her touch, and fought the urge to bury herself in his neck.

“You need to tell me what’s in your heart.”

Slowly, Beck’s hands crept up until he held her face prisoner. For the longest time, he said nothing, and when he finally spoke, his voice was husky.

“You’re an amazing woman who deserves the kind of man who’s all in. I can’t give you that, and, man, I wish I could. My heart isn’t whole. It’s missing pieces I’ll never get back, and you deserve so much more. Cate’s still a thing for me. And I know it’s stupid and a lot of folks would say I’m crazy. A selfish man would make a go of it, but I can’t do that to you. I do love you, Sid. You need to know that, but…”

She attempted a smile. “You don’t love me enough.”

“I…” He swore again and dropped his hands, turning away. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

Oh, but he had. She was crushed, and it took everything Sid had to keep her noodle legs from crumpling beneath her.

She took a step back and looked to the table where Cate’s picture still stood. Tragic Cate, who’d been gone over ten years and still had a hold on Beck. She must have been something fierce. Sid looked at the man who held her heart in his hands, and then back to Cate, who existed somewhere else entirely.

“I’m not sorry this happened, and I don’t regret meeting you. I hope someday, her ghost lets you go.”

Blinking back tears, Sidney pushed her way outside and made it back to her vehicle. She didn’t remember driving back to the cottage, but suddenly, she was there inside the beautiful stone cottage she’d come to love, and Kylie was in front of her.

She didn’t say a word, not even when Kylie pulled her into a hug and held her close.

“Let’s go home,” her sister said. “Everything will be okay. I promise.”

Sidney grabbed up her bags and walked out into the Michigan sunshine for the last time. Things weren’t okay, but she would survive.