“I don’t care.” He cut her off as the hope inside him bloomed big and bright. It was hot and hard, and it pushed him forward. He strode toward Honey, stopping inches from her—inches that felt like miles as he gazed down into her face. “Whatever you’ve got, throw it my way. There’s nothing you’ve done that can make me love you less.” He hesitated because he had to get this right.
“You said that you wanted to matter to the Blackwells. That you wanted them to see you for who you are. I don’t know what they feel in their hearts. That’s something you’re going to have to see for yourself. But, Jesus Honey…I see you. All of you. Your past. Your present and your future. I see you with me because we belong together.” He searched her face. Was she hearing him? “I see you with me because I love…” His voice broke, and he had to take a moment. “I love every single thing about you. The way you pick out the raisins in your muffins. The way your eyes soften when I’m inside you. Your laugh. Your toes. The way you smile when you think no one is watching. The way you touch me.” He stepped closer yet. “Everything. I love everything about you.”
“You don’t know everything.”
Frustrated, he swore. “How can I make you understand I don’t care about any of that stuff? It’s in the past.” He paused, eyes searching her face. “Do you love me?”
“I…” She stumbled over her words. “Love isn’t enough, Nash. God, you should know that. It’s not always enough.” She ended on a whisper and trembled, and when he would have grabbed her close to his chest, she made a heartbreaking sound and shook her head.
She was scaring the crap out of him. Something was up, and he was flying blind here. “Honey, give me a chance to make this right.”
“You might not want to. When you…” She swore and shook her head. “You might not ever want to talk to me again.”
“What?” He was confused.
She sighed and slowly let the bulky cardigan fall to the ground. She stepped forward into the light. Her big eyes were shiny, full of unshed tears and so much sadness, it made his heart ache. Shadows played across her skin, and his eyes roved her body with a hunger that grabbed hold and didn’t let go. She was so damn lovely. So damn perfect. She was his, and he wasn’t letting her go. She was…
He blinked. Ran his hands through his hair.
She looked different. Fuller. Rounder. He gulped. She was pregnant.
His eyes widened, and maybe he stopped breathing. Or maybe it was just his heart reacting to the woman in front of him.
His eyes flew back to hers, and an image of Honey whispering something to that bastard in the bar, Nick, flooded his brain. Was it his? Had he lost her forever?
25
Time did that funny thing where it slowed down until images blurred and feelings washed away. She heard her heart beating fast and furious, but she didn’t feel it. Just as she saw Nash’s lips moving, forming words and questions, but she didn’t hear them.
Honey turned away. She couldn’t do this. What the hell had she been thinking? She was nowhere near prepared to face Nash. Shivering like crazy, she scoope
d up the cardigan and stared at it dully, her fingers rolling over the buttons as she tried to figure a way out of the mess she’d landed in. The letter Nash had left for her stuck out of the pocket, and the sight of it made her stomach turn.
“You’re pregnant.” Nash’s voice managed to break through the haze that surrounded her. And now her shame was complete. Judgment day was here. It was time to face her past. All of it.
The baby kicked, and she smiled sadly as she turned around. Nash looked grim, and her stomach dipped. He wasn’t happy. But then had she expected him to be? She couldn’t stop the tears if she tried, and they rolled slowly down her face.
“Yes.”
“But…” He ran his hands through his hair and swore. “How?”
“I don’t know… I forgot to take my pill a few times and I doubled up, but…” Did he believe her? Did it matter?
“I found out about a month after I left town. I didn’t tell you because I figured there was no point.”
“No point? You thought I wouldn’t want to know about my child?” Anger colored his words, and she flinched. “What kind of asshole do you think I am?”
“I don’t think that. Please.” How could she make him see? Make him understand? “Do you remember when I asked you about children? About what they meant to you?”
He shook his head, and she saw his confusion.
“You told me once you would never consider being a father unless you found a woman as giving and as loving as your mother. I know how much you love her, how much you respect her, and I know I’ll never be anything like your mom. You made your feelings clear to me that last night at the gala.” Pain sliced through her. “You told me that I was the worst kind of human being there was, and I knew you were disgusted. I knew your feelings for me weren’t strong enough to handle my reality. I thought that if I told you about the baby, you would take her away from me. And I…” Her voice broke, and she swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I’ve spent my whole life looking for something, and I finally figured out what that something is. It wasn’t acceptance. It wasn’t me wanting the Blackwells to know who I am. I was looking to belong to someone. It was as simple as that.” She shrugged. “I was looking for a family.”
“You were going to have this baby and not tell me.” It wasn’t a question, and she had nowhere to hide.
All his proclamations of love were gone. His face was hard as he stared down at her. This final lie was just another on a pile of crap she’d served him the entire time they were together. He would never forgive her for keeping this from him. And yet, she was still going to beg. Hell, she’d get down on her knees if she had to.
“I was afraid that if you knew about the baby, you would come for her and take her from me. You have the Blackwells behind you. All of Crystal Lake behind you. No judge would ever side with someone like me. Someone who’s done the things I have. I saw their faces when you told everyone about the prostitution thing. I was protecting myself, Nash. I won’t survive without her. I won’t.”