Brenda Lewis let go of me and took a step back. She looked like a wounded animal. One who’d had its heart ripped out, and I guess I was responsible for that too. I felt the burden sitting on my shoulders, and God, I was so damn tired.
“Yes,” she answered simply. “You might not get the chance again.” Her voice caught and then she turned away.
I watched her shuffle down the sidewalk until she disappeared at the next block. When my uncle found me, I didn’t have to say anything. I could tell he already knew.
I handed him his Coke and left him there.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Monroe
Gram found me on the porch, curled up on the settee, waiting for Nathan. He and his uncle hadn’t come back after they’d gone into town for supplies earlier, but he usually showed up around now.
I was anxious to see him, which was crazy. I’d seen him at noon when I’d taken him a cold drink, but seriously, it felt like days since his smile turned my insides to mush. Days since he had kissed me until my head spun.
And now…now I sat and waited for a guy who had turned my world upside down. A guy who had finally fixed some of the broken pieces inside me. A guy I was going to say good-bye to soon.
With a sigh, I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and pushed those thoughts away. I didn’t want to think about the end of something so good. Not yet anyway.
It was dusk, that sweet spot just before evening fell, and the crickets chirped away, happy to play in the shadows now that the sun was gone.
I wore Nate’s The Cramps T-shirt because I liked it and it smelled like him, which is what Gram caught me doing when she walked out onto the porch. Like a nerd, my nose was buried in the hem of his shirt and I let it fall, hoping she wouldn’t notice the heat in my cheeks.
Gram walked over but stopped a few inches away, and as soon as I looked up, I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were sad, her mouth soft, and she had her hands clasped in front of her as if she didn’t know what to do with them.
“Have you heard from Nathan?” she asked quietly.
My heart sank.
Something was really wrong.
“No.” I shook my head and got to my feet. “What’s going on? Is he okay?”
Gram watched me closely for a moment and then sighed. “Trevor Lewis has taken a turn, a bad turn, and the doctors don’t know if he’ll survive the night.”
“Oh my God, Gram.”
I fell back onto the settee and bent over, resting my hands on my knees as I stared at the floor. This was bad. Really bad. This would break Nathan.
“And Nathan knows?”
“Yes, but no one has seen him since this afternoon.”
My head shot up at that. “What do you mean, no one has seen him? Wasn’t he with his uncle?”
Gram nodded and sat down beside me, her warm arm around my shoulders as she pulled me in tight. “He was, but he was upset when he learned the news and…”
“And what? His uncle thought it was okay to let him take off alone? Doesn’t he know how screwed up Nathan’s head is?” I jumped to my feet, my voice incredulous. “He blames himself, Gram, and that kind of hurt isn’t good. That kind of hurt can make you do crazy things.”
I slipped my feet back into my sneakers. “If Trevor dies…” My voice trailed off as I thought of Nate, and the fear inside me tripled.
“Do you think he would…” Gram paused, her hand over her mou
th. “Do you think he would hurt himself?”
“No! I mean, I don’t know.” God, I hope not.
I thought back to the year before. To a time when I had a total disconnect from everyone. I knew what it felt like to think there was nothing…nothing that could make the pain go away.