Boys Like You

“Thank you,” Monroe said quietly.

“For what?” Mike answered.

“For being strong enough. For letting him in,” Monroe replied.

Mike nodded abruptly and asked, “Can I have a moment with Nathan?”

“Actually, I’ve got to go,” Monroe said softly.

My gaze swung from Trevor’s dad back to Monroe. “What? No.”

Dammit. I couldn’t do this without her.

I reached for her but she ducked away, shaking her head, her soft eyes wide, their paleness shimmering beneath the harsh lights overhead.

“This isn’t the place for me. Not right now.” She hunched her shoulders. “Go. See your friend. Be with Trevor.”

But I was shaking my head, suddenly so terrified my legs nearly buckled.

“You need to do this, Nathan, and when it’s done, whatever happens, I’ll be here for you.”

I reached for her and she came, sliding her arms around my waist so that I could hold her for as long as she would let me.

It was enough. Touching her was enough.

In that moment, I felt like I could do anything.

I brushed my lips against her forehead and leaned close to her ear. “I love you.”

Her hands clasped mine. “Ditto.”

And then she was gone.

“She’s special, that one,” Mike said softly.

I nodded and turned, making no effort to hide the pain and remorse and anything else that was inside me.

“Mr. Lewis,” I said, but he interrupted me.

“It’s Mike. It’s always been Mike.”

I had to clear my throat several times before I could speak again. I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes, and it took everything inside me to keep them away. In the end, it didn’t matter, and I scrubbed at my eyes and exhaled loudly.

I couldn’t remember a time when my body wasn’t tight. Couldn’t remember a time when there wasn’t pain. Sure, I knew it was back there—back before that night—but as I stood in front of Trevor’s dad, I thought that I would never remember what it was like before then, no matter how hard I tried.

“How is he?” I asked carefully, forcing the words out one at a time.

I held my breath, afraid I’d been too late and that my worst nightmare was about to become a reality.

Mike clasped me on the shoulders but I still couldn’t look up at him. I was too afraid. Too much of a coward. I felt his forgiveness. Felt it wrap around me like a spider’s web, and yet…

I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t deserve it and I wasn’t strong enough to face this reality if Trevor wasn’t going to be in it.

So I stared at my muddied boots and prayed like I’ve never prayed before.

“He’s still with us.”

The air whooshed out of me so quickly that if Mike’s hands hadn’t have been on me, I would have fallen on my ass.