And she cried for a man who was still living in that horror.
And then, selfishly, she cried for herself, because she had a very bad feeling about things, and no matter what she did, that bad feeling wouldn’t go away.
Chapter 26
It had been two days since he’d seen Lily. Two days since he’d inhaled that fresh scent that was all her. Two days since he’d felt her warmth, and two days since he’d looked into her eyes.
It was two days too long.
He needed her. God knows he needed her, and for the first time in his adult life, he was going to reach out. He was going to roll the dice and see where they landed.
He had finally called her back the night before, and just the sound of her voice calmed him. There was no judgment, no cold and frosty attitude. There was only concern.
He would have gone to see her—had wanted to—but knew it wasn’t smart because A) he’d been drinking and couldn’t drive so that stopped him right there, and B) he looked like shit and didn’t want her to see him like that.
They didn’t talk about anything that mattered—not really. He told her that his designs were coming along, told her that the golf course was set, and it looked as if the project was ahead of schedule.
Lily had asked him what that meant exactly, and since he was trying real hard to be honest, he’d told her that it meant he could go back to New York City before Labor Day—not that he was planning on that.
She’d gone real quiet, and then she told him that they needed to talk.
No shit.
He glanced in the mirror as he dragged the razor over the stubble on his chin. Christ, he looked crap, but then hugging a bottle of Jack for two nights straight would do that to you.
For a second he froze, his green eyes unfocused as the image in the mirror wavered, and he took a step back.
It was his father’s face he saw, and Mac shook his head, more than a little freaked out. He leaned on the sink, breathing heavy, counting slowly in an effort to pull his shit together.
He wasn’t sure how long he stood like that, alone in his bathroom, counting, breathing, and then counting again. But when he finally dragged his gaze back to the mirror, he was grateful that it was his face staring back at him and not Ben’s.
“Jesus, get it together,” he said roughly.
He’d worked from the cottage today, and it was nearly time for him to head into town for Liam’s ball game. His sister had swung by earlier, but they hadn’t talked about Ben or his mother. She just wanted to make sure that he was okay and that was enough.
Mac pulled on a pair of jeans and T-shirt before grabbing his cell and keys off the table beside his bed. For a moment, his gaze lingered there, eyes on the twisted sheets that told the story of how he’d hardly slept. How could he? The empty bed did nothing for him, and without Lily’s warmth next to him, he’d moved to the couch and settled in for a long night of channel surfing.
But that was about to change.
He’d come to a few hard realizations over the last few days, one being that he couldn’t shut out the people who cared for him when he himself shut down. Jake and Cain were giving him space mainly because it was their status quo whenever Mac lost it. But he was kinda over that now.
He also realized that his mother was never going to change. She was always going to choose the bastard she’d married over herself and her kids. Mac wasn’t real sure where he stood with that. He loved his mother, but he was so disappointed in her choices that it hurt. But who was he to judge? She obviously loved Ben Draper, and even though it was a twisted and screwed-up kind of love, it was all she had.
She just happened to love Ben more than anyone or anything else, including herself, and if you asked Mackenzie, that was really sad.
Mackenzie also knew that he needed to stop using the bottle to escape. Shit, it’s not like it fixed anything other than maybe making him forget for a little while.
But maybe he was done forgetting. Maybe he was done avoiding. Maybe he just needed to deal with his shit once and for all, and move the hell on.
Mac slid into his truck and felt lighter the closer he got to Crystal Lake. In less than ten minutes, he’d see Lily, and right now it was the only thing getting him through.
He had some things he wanted to say to her, an idea that had taken root and hadn’t let go. An idea that had come to him somewhere between that last sip of Jack and that first light of dawn.
He wanted her. He wanted her badly.
He thought that maybe he even loved her. Him. Mackenzie Draper, who had never allowed himself to love another person. Not in that way. And sure, he was man enough to admit it scared the crap out of him, but after the last few days, he knew that he didn’t want to go it alone, not anymore.
And he was hoping she would consider moving to New York City to be with him.