“Mackenzie,” she said shakily. “The fact that you’re even thinking of all that stuff tells me that you’re as far away from your father as we are from the moon. You’re nothing like him. Nothing,” she ended hoarsely.
“I drink too much.”
“Yeah, you do. But do you drink because you need it? Do you drink because you need to cope?”
“No,” he said after a few moments. “I drink to forget.”
She watched him carefully. “You don’t need to forget anymore, Mackenzie. Not unless you want to.”
Mackenzie was silent for so long that the fear she’d pushed away began to pulse inside her. Maybe she’d read this all wrong. Maybe this was good-bye.
Oh God. A sob caught in her throat and her knees buckled.
But Mackenzie was there. He caught her and dragged her close, his arms around her, holding her to him as if he would never let her go.
“I want you, Lily,” he whispered into her hair. “God, I thought…”
Something in his voice made her turn her head and she glanced up at him. “What? What did you think?” Her voice was so low that she barely heard it, but he smoothed her hair back and cupped her chin.
“I thought you’d lost the baby. I went to the hospital, and I thought it was you there and…”
“Hospital?” She didn’t understand.
“It was Maggie. She and Cain had a little girl, but for a second there, I thought you’d lost the baby and I nearly lost it.”
“Oh, Mac.”
“I was empty and I was done, and I knew I wouldn’t make it without you. I knew then that without you, I would end up just like Ben.” He glanced away. “If that makes sense.”
“Yeah,” she said slowly. “It does.”
“I love you, Lily.”
She blew out a long, shuddering breath. “I know.”
“You have to forgive me for being such an asshole and for treating you like crap.”
“I can do that.”
“I promise you that I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Whatever it takes to make our kid happy. I can’t…” His voice caught. “I can’t do this alone anymore.”
Mackenzie’s eyes met hers. “I don’t want to do this alone anymore.”
Lily cupped his head between her hands. “I love you, Mackenzie. All of you. The good parts and the bad parts. All of it.” She smiled a tremulous smile and kissed him gently.
“We can do this,” she murmured.
Mackenzie scooped her into his arms and carried her into the house. He didn’t stop until he reached the bathroom. He turned the shower on, got the water hot, and then gently took her wet clothes off. He ditched his and then joined her in the shower.
For the longest time he held her beneath the spray, their heartbeats in tandem, murmuring words of love, words that she needed to hear.
And once more, her world was filled with color.
Carefully, he soaped up every inch of her body, cleaning and massaging and touching. He washed her hair, gently working her scalp with his fingers, until she was so relaxed she fell against him.
“I love you,” he whispered, his mouth at the back of her neck, his hands at her breasts. “Holy hell, but I love you.”
Lily braced herself on the wet tiles and arched her back into him. “Show me,” she whispered.