Some Kind of Normal

Next time let me know what your plans are. We’re going to have a chat about this. Come home right after the movie.

Whatever. I stared at the text for a few more moments and then shoved my cell back down into my front pocket. Night had fallen and I shivered, putting my hands under my thighs, trying for some kind of warmth.

The drive-in was full, and yet most of the kids here weren’t inside their vehicles. They were hanging out in groups like the one beside me, drinking, laughing, hooking up. I spotted several cars and trucks with fogged-up windows and skipped my eyes over them, only to land on a couple a few rows up who were pressed into each other.

It was dark and hard to tell where the girl ended and the boy began. He had her pushed up against the car, his hand buried in her hair, and he was kissing her. He was kissing her like there was no one around. Like they were the only two people in the universe. He was touching her and pushing up against her and I couldn’t look away.

Not even when his one hand slid down her hip and rested against her lower belly. It was intimate and it spoke volumes. I guess I was a pervert because I kept watching. Their kiss deepened, and as she tugged on his shoulders, trying to get even closer, I held my breath.

I thought of Jason, a guy I’d dated for a long time. Never had I felt that way about him. So desperate to get close to him. So desperate to connect. To matter.

Something inside me tightened. It swelled and pressed into my chest so hard that it was painful. I was one of probably five hundred kids out here under the stars, and for some reason, I’d never felt so alone.

I tore my gaze away from the couple and tried to focus on the movie, but it was hard because suddenly there were tears pricking the corners of my eyes. God, here we go. Hot, painful tears. Angrily, I wiped them away and jumped off the truck.

I didn’t have a plan. I just wanted to get away. I rounded the truck, and Trevor glanced up, a smile on his face—a smile meant for the blond girl—and for a second I froze, letting the beauty of his smile wash over me.

But it wasn’t mine, so I turned sharply, heading the other way.

Hailey called my name, but I raised my hand as if to say I’m good and kept walking. What a joke. I was a joke. My life was a joke.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Trees surrounded the back end of the drive-in, and once I passed the first few rows, I started to run. I didn’t stop until my chest burned, and by then, I was deep inside the forest.

It was quiet, and man the quiet was heavy. It was the kind of quiet that felt as if it was alive. It was the kind of quiet you could hide in.

My breath misted in front of me, and I wrapped my arms around my chest, shivering as my eyes adjusted to the gloom. My ponytail had come loose, and hair stuck to the clammy skin at my neck.

If my life was a movie, this would be where the stupid heroine (me), out alone in the dark woods, gets attacked by some deranged madman. I kind of laughed at the thought. If my life was a movie, it would totally suck.

I leaned back against a tree, wishing the tightness, that hard coil of pain and confusion inside me, would just melt away. Maybe if I counted. Maybe if I thought of puppies and rainbows, I’d be fine. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I was standing on the edge of something that I knew would wreck me.

So I did. I closed my eyes and counted to twenty, and then I started over. I wasn’t sure how many times I did it or how much time had passed, but a snap echoed in the dark, and suddenly I knew I wasn’t alone anymore.

“Hey.”

I knew that voice.

Slowly, my eyes opened. Trevor stood a few feet away, hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. His dark hair fell forward across his brow and touched the tops of his shoulders. I saw something sparkle at his ear. A piercing?

“Are you all right?” he asked.

I shrugged and said nothing, afraid to answer because I wasn’t sure that I could. That damn lump was still stuck in my throat, and even though I blinked several times, the tears were still there, just waiting for an excuse to embarrass me.

“The movie sucked,” he said quietly. I guess he wasn’t going away anytime soon.

I cleared my throat but still said nothing, trying to hold in a shudder but failing miserably. It was damp, and I was cold and more miserable than I’d been in a long time.

Trevor reached for the edge of his long-sleeved Henley, and my eyes widened when he began to pull it up over his head. He wore a T-shirt underneath, but even so, I saw a lot of skin as he raised his arms over his head.

Mouth dry, I didn’t know what to say.

“Here,” Trevor said as he moved toward me. “You’re cold.”

He stopped just in front of me, so close that I could feel his body heat, and I shivered again. He held out his hand and I hesitated, staring at his shirt, because anywhere other than into his eyes was preferable.

I didn’t want him to see what was inside me. I wasn’t ready for that.