A scar on his right side that was jagged.
Abs that would make most athletes drool in envy.
Abs that would make most girls drool, period.
A thin line of hair that drifted from his belly button and disappeared beneath the top of his shorts.
Shorts that maybe he should hike up because they were dangerously low on his hips.
That indent guys get, you know, the one that girls talk about. The one that makes you think of things that you shouldn’t be thinking about. It was there. Front and center. Taunting me.
So, yeah, I dragged my eyes away but still managed to take him all in. And now he was sitting beside me. And my skin tingled where he’d touched my back. And I was nervous because we were both practically naked and I’d never been this close to a guy before without, you know, clothes on.
Ugh. I felt my cheeks get hot as I thought of him tying up my bikini top. But there’d been no way for me to get the job done without things peeking out that shouldn’t be peeking out.
I sighed and pushed my sunglasses back over my eyes. How had I reached the age of seventeen without getting half-naked with a guy before?
Oh. Right. There’d been no Trevor Lewis up until a few weeks ago. No guy who’d ever tempted me the way he did. No guy who could make me forget. And right now, I was all about forgetting if I could.
I closed the book I’d been trying to read for the last hour and stretched out on the blanket, resting my chin on my arms. Trevor did the same, both of us looking out over the water, watching the birds that flew and dove for fish near the dam.
“I used to jump off the railway tracks just above the dam with Nate and Link,” Trevor said after a few moments. “When I was, like, twelve. Man, we got in a lot of trouble when our parents found out. Especially after Daryl drowned.”
I thought about that kid. “Daryl Mason?” I asked.
Trevor nodded and turned onto his side so
that he was looking at me and not the water. “We were supposed to meet him that afternoon, but Nate had a family thing. I got into trouble for something, can’t remember what, and Link just never showed. There was an undertow or maybe he got caught on something under the dam. I don’t remember how he drowned. I just know he did.” Trevor’s eyes widened a bit. “I haven’t been back to the dam since.”
“He went to my church,” I offered, not knowing what else to say. At the time it had been a tragedy the entire town felt. His parents owned the hardware store, but after Daryl died, they’d moved away.
“I know. His funeral was the last time I was inside a church. It was just hard, you know? We were young, stupid, and so…relieved it wasn’t us. Seeing how broken up his parents were was awful. I remember his mom kept saying, ‘He’s gone to heaven now. I’ll see him again.’ But all I kept thinking was how do you know? How do you know life doesn’t just end when we do?”
I considered his words. “My dad would say that’s what faith is for.”
My dad would say a lot of things, and now I wondered if my dad believed all the stuff he preached, considering the lie he’d been living.
Trevor reached over and plucked my sunglasses off the end of my nose. I wished he hadn’t because now he could see the tears that sat in the corners. Tears that had haunted me since Sunday. Tears that had been falling on and off since forever, it seemed.
“Are you okay?” he asked. Three simple words, and yet so much meaning filled the cracks between them. He cared about me. I heard it in his voice. Most guys would have been up in my face, angry with the silent treatment I’d been doling out since Sunday. Wondering how I could let them touch me, kiss me, and then…nothing.
But not Trevor, and for that I was grateful. I was way too fragile right now to deal with anger.
“Everly? Did I do something?” He looked so serious. And more than a little unsure. “I mean, did I push you in a way that I shouldn’t have Friday?”
That thing in my chest tightened again. The thing that was somehow connected to this boy.
“No.” I shook my head. “No, Trevor. Friday was…amazing. This…” Would I ever be able to speak normally again? “The way I’ve been acting has nothing to do with you. I don’t want you to think that.”
God, his eyes were beautiful. A girl could lose herself inside them.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to so badly. But I couldn’t vocalize the things in my head. Not yet anyway. Maybe never.
“I’m sorry I blew you off,” I said instead. “I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t know how to be with anyone.”
“At the moment you seem to be doing all right.” His voice was light, touched with the slightest bit of something. It was that something that I needed, because I felt like I’d been holding my breath since Sunday and finally I was able to breathe a bit easier.