Some Kind of Normal

God, I was a prick.

I heard her move and knew that she was standing just behind me. When her fingers touched my side, I nearly jumped out of my skin. But I stayed still, hands fisted at my sides, anger churning for no reason. It just churned and burned and made me crazy.

“How did you get this scar?” If I was paying attention, I would have known that her voice was scratchy and used up. It was sore and painful. But I was so focused on me that all I thought about was getting her out of my room so that I could wallow in my own private pity party.

“I got it jumping from the dam. Jumped in the river just behind Nate and got snagged against a tree that was under the water.”

“Must have needed a lot of stitches.”

“Thirteen.”

“Oh.”

Her hand was still there, running up and down the scar, and a sudden urge to rip her hand away from me had me breathing heavy and clenching my teeth together so tightly my jaw ached.

“What do you want, Everly?” I sounded like a cold bastard.

I think she must have been shocked, because she made this sharp sound, like a gasp or something. The weird thing was I kept hearing a voice in my head, a voice that sounded like it was under water. It kept repeating, do it, do it, do it, over and over again.

Do what?

I felt the tic behind my right eye, and the band of pain that circled my head throbbed so hard that I wrenched away from her and took a few steps. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I sure as hell wanted to hurt something.

I couldn’t explain any of this. The thoughts in my head. The pain in my chest. It was just a big jumbled mess of stuff, and I didn’t want to deal with any of it anymore.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to see you and I wanted to…” Her voice broke. “I wanted to talk.”

“That’s a joke,” I muttered.

“What?” Her hand was on my arm.

“Let go of me, Everly.”

“What’s going on, Trevor?” Her hand fell away, but she didn’t back off. She moved a few inches so that I had no place else to look but at her. I thought I looked like hell? She looked like she’d been to hell and back.

Her hair looked like she hadn’t brushed it for days, and her eyes looked bruised and overly glassy. If I didn’t know her better, I’d think she was high. Her cheeks were pale and her lips even paler.

“Why are you being like this?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I just can’t do this. I mean, what’s the point?”

“What’s the point?” Her voice was loud, and little spots of red appeared in her cheeks. “What’s the point?” she repeated even louder. She pushed me, both hands to my chest, and I rocked back on my feet, which considering she was so small told me that the girl was pissed.

“The point is that I need to know you’re okay. The point is that I care about you. The point is that I’ve been worried all day because you didn’t think to call me. That’s the point.” Her voice broke and she took a step back, but the back of her knee met the edge of my bed and she fell onto it, barely managing to keep herself up. Her hair fell out of her ponytail and covered half of her face. Angrily, she yanked it back and glared up at me. “The point is that I needed you and I thought that you cared enough to be there for me, but I guess I was wrong.” She bit her bottom lip, and I could tell she was on the verge of tears.

I’ve done some shit things before, but this here, this stupid roller coaster that I couldn’t seem to get off, this had to be the worst. I’d hurt her, and I couldn’t figure out how to make it better.

“God, you haven’t even asked about my father. About what happened, and you know how much…” She blinked her eyelids fast, as if trying hard not to fall apart. “Trevor, you knew that I was freaking out over that

.”

I wanted to say something to make her feel better. I really did. But I couldn’t find the words. I had nothing. I was nothing. Couldn’t she see that? Why was she pushing so hard?

She jumped to her feet. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

The fact that Everly Jenkins had just cursed me should have told me that she was walking that tightrope. And that maybe she was going to fall. But I didn’t pay attention to that because I had other stuff going on.

I don’t know what it was. The tone of her voice. The actual words that she used. Or the image of me on the ground twisted up and helpless while all around us, a bunch of strangers watched me. That was an image burned into my brain, and when I closed my eyes, it was all I saw.