Cain took a good, long drink from his tumbler and then placed it on the bar. He folded his arms over his chest and nailed Jake with a look that told him Cain wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“Well, why don’t you enlighten me?”
Something about his attitude pissed Jake off, and he squared his shoulders. “Mac didn’t fill you in?”
Jake shot a look toward Mackenzie, but his friend met his glare dead-on and shook his head. “It’s not my story to tell.”
“It’s not a pretty story,” Jake said roughly. “In fact, it’s damn scary.”
“Since when do we care about that shit?” Cain asked. “You’re losing it. I can see it in your eyes. You’ve got that same look, just like you did the summer after Jesse died. There are a whole lot of people who are going to be hurt if you go off the grid again, you got that?”
Cain’s voice rose a notch, but luckily no one in the bar was paying them any mind. Even Angie must have sensed that something heavy was going down, because she’d moved to the far side of the bar and was busy cleaning tables, though she threw the occasional look their way.
“This is us,” Mackenzie said quietly. “We want to help.”
Jake sighed and ran his hands across his temples. Christmas music played in the background, and he glanced to the side, watching an intoxicated couple practically making love on the dance floor while some rocker dude sang about his baby coming home for the holidays.
He wasn’t sure how long he stared at them, but it was long enough for his vision to blur and for his heart to crack open as thoughts of Jesse and Raine converged into a chaotic mess.
“I took everything from him,” he said so quietly he wasn’t sure Cain or Mac heard.
“How can you take something from someone who’s dead?” Mac stood, his hands shoved into his pockets as he stared at Jake. “He’s dead. He’s not coming back, and it sucks and it’s fucking wrong. But you know what’s worse? Watching you disappear again, and letting something as good as Raine slip away because you feel guilty.”
How could he make them understand?
“I know about the baby,” Cain said quietly.
His head shot up at that. “And you never told me?” He took a step toward Cain.
“I had to respect Raine’s wishes. She wanted to tell you herself, but…”
“But I was being an asshole and never gave her the chance.”
“Yeah,” Cain replied.
“I took everything from him,” Jake said and turned away, suddenly so raw inside he was afraid he’d break down. “Even the baby he wanted.”
“Maybe that’s how you see things, Jake, but that’s not reality. I’m going to say some stuff now, some things that are going to piss you off—”
Jake might have growled like an animal, because Mac reacted instantly.
“It’s okay,” Mac said, rolling up his sleeves as he stepped between the two men. The guy was built and had obviously been hitting the gym hard. “I got your back, because no offense, Cain, Jake could kick your ass if he wanted to.”
Cain ignored Mackenzie and nailed Jake with a look that promised the hard truth and maybe something else. Maybe redemption.
“Jesse’s reality and the rest of the world’s weren’t exactly in line.”
The anger Jake felt flashed hot and hard, but he kept his distance, ground his teeth together, and listened.
“Raine shared a few things with Maggie and me, and I got a clearer picture of what was going on in Jesse’s head. And I think a clearer picture of what happened over there.” He paused. “Look, I don’t know the specifics of the day Jesse died. I don’t want to know, unless you need me to. But Jake, what I do know is that Jesse is gone and you can’t take away something from someone who’s no longer here. You just can’t.”
“Cain…” Jake began.
“Shut up, Edwards, I’m not done.” Cain got to his feet. “I think that you’re hiding behind what happened to Jesse, blaming yourself for not bringing him back alive, when we all know that’s a l
oad of crap. The guy was a highly trained soldier, just like you. Just like the rest of the guys in your unit. Life and death is part of that gig, and you either live with it or you go crazy.”
Cain took a few steps until he was almost nose to nose with Jake. “You’re running scared, Jake, because everything you want is right in front of you and you’ve always been afraid to take it. You’re hiding behind your dead brother.”