And then, “Fuck.”
“I’m here for you,” I whispered.
“I can’t do this, Layla,” he rasped.
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both.”
No.
I should have known better.
Anger took over the sadness careening through me. “That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
He hissed. “Don’t fucking push this. I’m not who you think I am, and I’ll never be who you need.”
“How the fuck do you know who I need you to be? You don’t know me well enough to make that call.”
“I know me. And no one fucking needs what I have to offer,” he said, his torment clear.
I wanted to shred his words and bandage his damaged soul with love. The self-hatred oozing out of his mouth calmed my anger and fed my desire to pull him into my embrace. “Donovan, I know what I want. I want you in all your fucked-up glory. I want the chance to get to know what that looks like and decide for myself if I can handle it. What I don’t want is you making that choice for me.”
I heard him suck in a breath and then expel it. “No.”
He ended the call, and I stared at my phone.
The first crack hurt like a bitch but I knew, as my heart completely splintered, it would kill like a motherfucker.
***
“Pass me the bottle, bitch.”
I squinted my eyes at Jess. “Don’t call me names, bish.” I sloshed more vodka into my glass before giving her the bottle. Without waiting for her to pour a drink, I raised my glass. “To men who are stubborn assholes and don’t know a good thing when it’s right in front of them. May they grow some balls and man the fuck up.” I tipped the glass to my lips and downed the whole lot in one go.
“Jesus, you need to slow down, boss. You’ve been at this for two hours now.”
She blurred into focus as I tried to look at her. I pushed my glass at her. “Make me some sex,” I slurred.
She raised her brows. “Wouldn’t it be nice just to be able to make sex like that?”
“Fuck you. You know what I mean.”
Shaking her head at me and muttering shit I couldn’t understand, she did as I had asked.
“Why are men such hard work?” I asked.
“It’s God’s way of driving women insane, babe. I’m sure it amuses him to no end.”
“Well, it doesn’t fucking amuse me. And what amuses me even less is that he finally sends me a man I want, like really fucking want, and it turns out the guy’s not fucking interested.”
She finished making my drink and slid it to me. “Enjoy some sex on the beach, babe. Looks like that’s gonna be the only sex you’ll get in a while.”
I wanted to poke my tongue at her but I couldn’t
muster the energy. Raising the glass, I said, “To friends who never leave you.” I enjoyed the sweet taste as it slid down my throat. Looking at her, I added, “I think I might love you, bish. You love spending time with me, you do what I say, you make me drinks when I want them and you listen to me whinge. The only thing you don’t do is put out.”
She sipped her vodka. “Bitch, you pay me to spend time with you, you pay me to do what you say, and, usually, you pay me to make you drinks. Just because you’re not paying me for making these drinks, don’t think tonight means something it doesn’t. And fuck, I’m not sleeping with you, even if you pay me. Okay?”