J was watching me intently; his pissed off mood somewhat abated. He now knelt in front of Crystal. “How would you like us to stay for dinner tonight, angel?” he asked as he gently ran his hand over her hair in a soothing gesture, “We could order in your favourite.”
He was gentle with her and my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me that there was a softer side to J; in there somewhere, under all that rough biker bullshit.
Crystal nodded at him, “My favourite is pizza,” she said in a timid little voice.
J smiled at her and said, “Okay, I’ll order that. You go and sit with Madison while Brooke and I organise dinner.” His tenderness was killing me. He was so hot and cold; one minute so angry with me that he was saying shit I didn’t know he had in him, and now this; this sweet talk to a child.
He stood and motioned for Brooke to follow him into the kitchen, leaving Crystal and I alone to talk. I hadn’t seen her in over three years but before that we had been almost as close as a mother and daughter. Bec had been raising her kids on her own and I was her support, helping her out with money, babysitting and anything else she needed. Coming back into Crystal’s life now, after three years, I had been worried that she might not remember me but I was relieved that she did.
I took her hand and led her to the couch. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry that I haven’t been here for you. Not only now but also for the last couple of years. Things happened, and your Mum and I...”
She cut me off, “Mum told me that she never wanted to see you again. I know it wasn’t you that didn’t want to see me.” Her big green eyes looked so sad and I could tell that she was close to tears.
I nodded, “I need you to know that I am here for you now, baby. I won’t leave you alone. Do you understand that?”
She started crying and I used every ounce of control to stay strong for her. The last thing she needed now was me crying with her; she needed to know that I was strong enough for the both of us, that I would get her through this. I pulled her to me and hugged her, letting her cry. Crystal had always been a tough little girl, fiercely independent and I hadn’t seen her cry much over the years. She tended to bottle her feelings up and tried not to let us see what she was going through. I think it was her way of coping with all the crazy shit she had witnessed in her life. Bec had been as good a mother as she could be, but the men she had gotten herself involved with had often brought the crazy to her life and as a result the kids felt it too. Having grown up in the club lifestyle myself, I could always see why Crystal shut herself off like that because I had done the same as a child.
We sat there quietly, me holding her while she sobbed. I wondered if this was the first time she had let herself feel her grief. A week ago she had her family. Now she had no one. No one but me and a club of bikers who would, I guessed, do anything to protect her. In that moment, I knew that I would make damn sure they protected her. Even if it meant moving back here; the place I had sworn never to return to.
***
Dinner was strained but Brooke, J and I did our best to keep it friendly for Crystal’s sake. After dinner we moved back to the living room and watched some television. Crystal was subdued and fairly exhausted so Brooke suggested she have a shower and go to bed early. She agreed and headed off to the bathroom while Brooke went to clean up the kitchen. This left J and I alone, and we sat in silence watching the television. I had no idea what we were watching because my mind was racing with so many questions; not only about Crystal but also about him and me. He had totally confused me with his angry outburst earlier.
I looked over at him and found that he was watching me. He didn’t break eye contact, just continued to watch me. It unsettled me; I didn’t know what he was thinking anymore. When we were together I used to be able to read him most of the time but now, over two years later, I had no idea what was running through his mind. Hell, maybe I never knew him as well as I thought I did. He had, after all, told me to leave just when I thought we had a chance to be together again.
I finally broke the silence. “Have you guys found Nix yet?” I went with an easy question.
“No, but Scott’s got a lead so he is chasing that up tonight,” he answered.
“What’s the plan for Crystal? Do you think she is safe here?”
He dragged his hand through his hair and sighed, “We’ve got two guys watching the house. We’re doing what we can to keep her safe.”
“How long will she stay here with Brooke?”
“She will be living with Brooke now. It was what Bec wanted,” he said quietly, keeping a steady gaze on me. He was watching for my reaction because he knew it wouldn’t be pretty.
I shot out of the chair and turned my angry glare on him. “What the fuck, J? Why would she do that?” I yelled at him.
He reacted sharply, standing and grabbing my arm. “Keep your voice down, Madison,” he snapped, “Bec and Brooke were close after you left, it’s definitely what she wanted.”
I yanked my arm out of his grip. “Well, I’m going to be around to help so Brooke will just have to deal with that.”
He looked stunned. “You’re staying? For good?”
I nodded, still coming to grips with my decision. “Yes.”
J just stood there, not saying anything, but I could feel the tension thick in the air. Again, I could not work out what he was thinking but my heart was seizing up because I was pretty sure he didn’t want me to stay. And it pissed me off at the same time. I didn’t want to feel this way; we were done and I had moved on. Caring what he thought wasn’t in my best interest. It was time to shut these feelings down.
“Yes, J, like it or not, I am staying so you had better get used to it. And, first order of fucking business is for my father and brother to tell me what the hell has been going on around here while I’ve been gone. I’m sick of all this secrecy bullshit.” I turned and stormed out of the house, in desperate need of a smoke.
***
Ten minutes later I was considerably calmer, having had two cigarettes and some time to give myself a pep talk. J was smart enough to give me that space to get my head together and I was just about to head back inside when he stepped outside.
“You’ve missed a call,” he said, handing me my phone before going back inside.
I checked to see who had called and smiled when I saw it was Serena. Shit, I was supposed to call her when we arrived. I called her back and waited for her to answer.