Hurricane Hearts (Storm MC Reloaded 1)

I kept my gaze glued to him as he moved to his side of the bed and sat to put his boots on. With one last gulp of coffee, I broached the subject he avoided. “How long are you going to not talk to me about what I did?”

He stilled for a moment as he laced his boots, but then went right back to what he was doing, not answering my question. When he was done, he looked up and gave me his raw honesty that I always cherished. I’d never met a man like Winter. One who didn’t fuck me around, but who just opened his

heart and gave me the contents without all the bullshit. “I don’t know.” He exhaled. “I honestly don’t fucking know.”

My heart constricted at the heartache I heard in his words, and I fought the tears forming. I hated this distance between us, but what I hated more was seeing Winter hurt like this.

Nodding, I madly blinked back my tears, willing them not to fall until he’d left. “Okay.”

He stood, watching me. I waited for him to leave, but he didn’t. He came to me instead. “I love you, Angel, but I’m fucking mad with you, and until I get that shit under control, I need some space.”

I swallowed hard. “I know, but I’m worried you’ve got so much to deal with at the moment…. Your dad, your brother, Melissa, me…. If you need to talk about any of that, I’m here. We can put our stuff on hold if you just need to get other stuff out.” God how I wished I hadn’t dumped this on him while he had everything else to deal with.

He watched me for another agonisingly silent minute before saying, “I should be back before dinner. If not, I’ll let you know.” With that, he grabbed his phone and wallet, and exited the room.

I let out the breath I’d been holding and the tears I’d been forcing back, and collapsed onto the bed, my heart in pieces and my hope clinging for life. He might have told me he loved me, but was love ever enough? I wasn’t so sure it was, but I’d hold out all the hope in the world that it would be for us.

Hours passed in which I went for a long run, showered, ate, and attempted to watch some TV. I failed at the TV watching because my mind wouldn’t switch off from worrying over Winter. Just after lunchtime, I decided I needed to get out of the hotel room. I felt trapped in there. I didn’t care if I spent the entire afternoon walking around the city; I couldn’t spend another second cooped up.

When I stepped inside the lift to go down to the lobby, the woman standing at the back of it smiled apologetically and said, “I’m sorry in advance. My boys have far too much energy today and seem to have lost their manners and their ability to follow rules.”

I smiled as I took in the tired lines on her face. She looked like she hadn’t slept for a week. Her two sons, on the other hand, bubbled with energy as they clowned around in the lift. They were little, though, so I wasn’t too concerned they’d cause any problems.

“It’s okay,” I said, “Let them have fun.”

Her relief was evident as the tension in her shoulders eased. “Thank you. Some people seem incapable of understanding that children just want to have fun. It’s like some of us have lost that zest for life in the time we grew from childhood to adulthood.” She paused briefly before asking, “Do you have kids?”

Oh God, why today? Out of all the days, why do I have to answer this question today?

I quickly shook my head. “No.”

One of the boys stepped on my foot as his brother jostled him. He glanced up at me with genuine apology. “Sorry.”

I gave him a smile, but before I could say anything, his mother chastised him. The lift reached our destination and the doors opened, and we all filed out. I was grateful for an end to any further conversation with the woman. However, the universe wasn’t done with me yet.

As she took both their hands, she looked over at me. “Raising kids is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but people like you make it that bit easier. Sometimes it’s just that one little thing someone says that can turn my day around. Thank you. And if you ever have kids, I hope you’re surrounded by people just like you.”

My heart squeezed so hard I thought it might actually stop beating. I needed to sit. I was going to cry like a fucking baby right here in this hotel lobby with what felt like a million sets of eyes on me.

I decided that what I really needed was fresh air, so I put one foot in front of the other until I made it outside and found a seat. Inhaling, I sucked air deep into my lungs and closed my eyes while trying to talk myself out of crying.

Telling Winter about my pregnancy had brought it all back up for me. The pain of losing the baby, the pain of losing both my tubes, and the pain of walking away from him all those years ago. It sat so close to the surface that I felt like it was happening all over again.

Walking away from Winter had almost killed me. He’d been my everything for a decade. All my hopes and dreams had been tied to him. My future was him. Until I’d known it couldn’t be. Because as much as I’d loved him and wanted no one but him, I couldn’t take away his chance at being a father. Cleo had tried to talk me around, shoving information at me about IVF. That was an option, but the one friend I’d known who tried it had spent eight years attempting to have a baby and had ended up childless and in debt. I didn’t want that for Winter. I’d decided I’d rather he found love with someone who could give him what he wanted. So I left.

I’d spent the last five years trying like hell to forget how much I wanted children. I didn’t want to contemplate IVF because I wasn’t sure I could handle the journey, so I put having babies completely out of my mind. It was only in the last six months that I’d found my way to being okay with not having a family. Or so I thought, because this reaction to what that woman said wasn’t the reaction of someone who was okay with not having a family.

I need Winter.

God how I needed him, but I was the last person he needed right now, so instead, I called Cleo.

“Hey you,” she said, “How are you today? How’s Winter?”

I burst into tears.

“Shit,” Cleo murmured. “Hang on one sec, babe. I just need to take care of something and then I’m all yours.”

I waited for her with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t even bother wiping them or trying to stop them. They clearly needed to fall, so I let them. People walked by, eyeing me with curiosity, but I ignored them.