Battle Hearts (Storm MC Reloaded 3)

I shake my head as I glance at the floor, feeling all kinds of weird now that I said that out loud. It’s absolutely dumb to admit to the man I’ve known and loved for sixteen years that I don’t feel sexy. This is just something I need to work through. And I’m sure I’ll go back to feeling normal after we’re done with IVF.

He tips my

chin to bring my eyes back to his. “Birdie, talk to me. Why don’t you feel sexy?”

“Can we just forget I said that?”

“Fuck no. I want to understand where that came from.”

I hold his gaze. “You’ve gotta admit sex and IVF don’t go well together.”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with you feeling sexy? You’re the sexiest goddam woman I know.”

“All the ultrasounds, all the injections, all the cramps, all our arguments, all of it…. I haven’t wanted sex, haven’t wanted you to touch me. And when you do touch me, it’s to do the shots or to place the hot water bottle on me, or something to ease my pain. It’s dumb, I know, but none of it feels sexy or like I’m doing anything to hold your attention. I feel like all I do is probably push you away. God, I’m not explaining this very well.”

“Yeah, you are.” He pulls me close. “I’ve stopped touching you because I know you’re in pain, and I’ve stopped initiating sex because I don’t want you to feel pressured. But, angel, you need to know you have my complete attention. In all the fucking ways. To say I’m counting down the days till I can fuck you is an understatement.”

His words cause a wave of intense emotion to wash over me, and tears to fill my eyes. “Thank you. God, now I’m going to cry. I swear, these drugs are the fucking devil.”

“Can’t argue with you there,” he says, letting me go. “I have to get this sample to the nurse. Are you good for a bit?”

I wipe my tears. “Yes, go. No, wait.” I practically throw myself at him and kiss him again. When I’m finished, I smile and push him away. “There, now you can go.”

I need to know what I did to deserve a man like Winter, because I may need to do it again to ensure he stays mine forever.

14

Birdie

* * *

“What is that?” Cleo asks as she eyes the thing in my hand.

I hold it up, bringing it closer to the phone screen so she can get a good look. “That is a progesterone pessary, my friend. And later tonight, right before I go to bed, I shall insert it as far as possible into my vagina as I can.”

“And pray tell, why?”

I laugh at the expression on her face. I knew calling Cleo was what I needed tonight. Winter and I arrived home after the egg retrieval at around 4:00 p.m., at which point he had to leave and go to the clubhouse. He didn’t have plans to leave, but Ransom called with something urgent. I was fascinated to watch my husband go from his patient self to pissed the hell off in a matter of minutes. Not with me—with club business. It’s not normal to see his mood shift that fast and to that extreme. I kissed him goodbye and told him I was perfectly good here on my own, which was the truth.

It’s now 8:00 p.m. and I’m not feeling as great. I haven’t experienced any bleeding or cramping that the clinic mentioned may happen; I’m just really tired and feel like I’ve run a marathon. Calling Cleo was my attempt at making myself feel better and my plan is already working.

“They help prepare my body to support the embryo so it will successfully implant and grow.”

“Oh, okay, well that sounds good. Useful. Worth having to shove something up there.”

“Apparently they cause all kinds of mess, though. I’m not looking forward to that.”

“What? How?”

“They melt and leak out.”

“Good Lord, the things your kid will need to be made aware of when she’s older. I’ll be sure to tell her everything so she can be super grateful for the sacrifices her parents made to bring her into this world.”

Cleo’s decided we’re having a girl. Secretly, I’d love a girl, but I’m not fussy in any way. Winter likes to go back and forth with her whenever she mentions our daughter. He’s not fussy either, but I think he secretly wants a son, so he always brings up our son when Cleo brings up our daughter.

“So everything went well today?” she asks.

“Really well. I mean, I was pretty anxious to start with, but Winter helped me with that. And in the end, I just went with the flow.”