“Yeah,” Maddox says after a few moments. “It does feel like shit.”
What a day this is turning out to be.
My husband has come through for me in all the ways.
A boy I’ve known for barely a moment in time has stolen my heart. Again.
And I’ve experienced both sadness and joy in the space of a morning.
It turns out that sharing our hurt and pain, and not numbing it, has a way of bringing us together. It has a way of shining light where dark used to live.
41
Winter
* * *
I suck back some beer during the club barbecue and watch Birdie dance. I can’t recall the last time she danced. She used to dance all the time before IVF. Fuck, was the last time she danced that night with Max right before we started IVF? The night she pulled me up to dance to our song.
I leave my chair and make my way to the corner of the clubhouse bar where Memphis set up the music through Spotify. I search for the song I want and select it, ending the current song.
As soon as Darius Rucker’s voice filters through the speakers, Birdie searches the crowd until her eyes land on me. She smiles that sexy smile of hers that will always make me give her whatever she wants, and runs her fingers through her hair while she sways her hips.
Fuck. Me.
I cut through the crowd and join her. I can’t fucking stay away; the pull to her is too great.
“Do you know how good it is to see you dance and smile?” I say as I get my hands on her.
Her smile grows and she puts her hands around my neck. “It feels good.”
“Max told me once that he’d never met a woman more vibrant than you. I hate that IVF stole your vibrancy.”
That smile doesn’t leave her face. “You know, I think I’m finding it again.”
“Yeah, baby, you are, and it’s the best damn thing in the world to watch.”
“It still hurts every day, and I’m not sure if that will ever go away completely, but I’m learning there’s life out there after IVF.”
“You know what I’ve learned?”
Her eyes sparkle. “Tell me.”
“That eight years without a holiday is a long fucking time.”
“That is true. Maybe we should plan one.”
“How does Hawaii sound?”
“Ooh, you know I’ve always wanted to go there!”
So damn beautiful.
I kiss her, taking my time with it. “Buy a bikini. We leave in two weeks.”
Her eyes widen. “What? How? We can’t afford—”
I kiss her again. “We can’t afford not to take it, angel.”