Natalia nodded her head and then waited for the countess to escort her over to the king, so that she could go through the court formality of requesting his permission to leave.
He had just given this and to her relief turned his back to her, thus enabling her to turn round herself instead of having to back out of his presence, when Kadir broke off his conversation with his father to say curtly, ‘I would like to have a few minutes private conversation with my wife-to-be.’
‘Highness, provision has already been written into tomorrow’s schedule for you and Natalia to spend an hour walking together in public,’ the king’s Chief Minister began, but Kadir stopped him shaking his head.
‘There are matters I wish to discuss with my betrothed that are for her ears only. With my father’s permission I shall escort her to her apartment?’
King Giorgio actually laughed and gripped Kadir’s arm, telling him jovially, ‘You are a man after my own heart and indeed my son. I too would have wanted some time alone with my wife-to-be, in your shoes.’
‘Your Highness, Natalia is still wearing Queen Sophia’s jewels. She—’
‘My son is hardly likely to steal them, Countess,’ the king dismissed the countess’s anxious reminder sharply. ‘You have our permission to escort Natalia to her apartments, Kadir.’
The king had misunderstood the reason for the countess’s comment, Natalia suspected, but then he had not had to wear the heavy jewellery and nor was he laced into a bodice so tight that Natalia suspected her ribs would be bruised when she was finally released from it. From the looks being exchanged by the remaining courtiers, it looked as though they and the king thought that Kadir planned to indulge in some pre-marriage intimacies, but of course Natalia knew better. Even so she didn’t allow herself to betray her thoughts as she placed her fingertips on the arm Kadir extended to her, and allowed him to lead her towards the exit.
Already she was beginning to get used to the fact that her new role meant virtually always being surrounded by other people. Two uniformed guards snapped to attention as they left the grande salon, whilst a formally liveried attendant flattened himself against the wall of the corridor as they walked past him.
‘My maids will be waiting for me in my room to help me to undress,’ she told Kadir without turning her head to look at him. ‘So whatever it is you wish to say to me, if you want to do so in private you had better speak now.’
‘Whatever I wish to say to you? Isn’t it obvious what I might want to say, or rather the explanation I might demand you give?’
‘My behaviour before we met today as a couple about to enter into an arranged marriage has no bearing on that marriage,’ Natalia told him quietly, hoping he wouldn’t be able to guess that inwardly she was nowhere near as confident as she was trying to appear and was in fact feeling sick with guilt. ‘You have no right to demand an explanation for it and neither do I intend to give one. I am mistress of my own life.’
‘Mistress. You use that word with good reason. No wonder it slips so familiarly from your tongue. As easily as the lies you must have told over the years to conceal your true lack of morality. Had I known what you were…’
He wasn’t making any attempt to conceal either his anger or his contempt and Natalia’s body reacted to it, stiffening as she stopped walking and tried to pull away from him. Immediately his right hand clamped down on hers where it lay on his uniformed arm, imprisoning her as he turned towards her. She could feel his anger as though it had a life force of its own. His antagonism towards her filled the air around them, pressing down on her. They were alone in the corridor, no man had ever made her feel so physically vulnerable and small.
‘What I am now is what I have always been, openly and honestly. My body is mine to gift as I see fit. My sole error, as I see it, was not in my desire but in my lack of judgement in my choice of partner,’ Natalia burst out passionately.
‘Of course you would have behaved differently if you’d known who I was.’
‘That was not what I said and it certainly isn’t what I feel. My lack of judgement was not realising how unworthy of me you are. You want me to feel shame, to allow you to blame me for some imagined crime against you that you consider I have committed. My crime, if there is one, is against myself, for not recognising how impossible it is for a woman of my outlook and independence to have any kind of relationship with a man like you.’
‘You dare to speak so of me? You who have behaved as no woman with morals would ever behave.’
‘No woman of morals? What do you know of a woman’s morals? Nothing. All you know, all you want to know, of a woman is her obedience and her submission. A woman’s morals are the pact she makes—the vow she takes for herself, with herself—and they rest in her alone. Only she knows where the defining lines lie for her and only she has the right to know. In the past my sexuality was mine to claim—for myself and for those I have chosen to share it. Our betrothal marks a point in my life where my “morals” compel me to consider my own desires in tandem with the restrictions placed on me by my soon-to-be public role as the wife of the future King of Niroli. In that role I have a duty to the people of Niroli and its Crown, and it has been my choice to accept that duty and those restrictions.’
‘If you are trying to tell me that what I witnessed in Venice was a final fling, a sickening sexual binge intended to stifle your appetite for the rest of our marriage, then let me tell you now that I don’t believe you. And even if I did, for me there would be no excuse—a woman who behaves as you did can never be a satisfactory wife or mother,’ he told Natalia arrogantly.
It was too much.
‘How very typical that you stand in sexual judgement of me. A woman’s ability to experience sexual desire has no direct bearing on her ability to be a good wife and mother, far from it, and if you were half the man you obviously like to think you are you would know that for yourself.
‘King Giorgio told me that you wanted to rule Niroli because you felt you could not in all conscience rule the people of Hadiya as you would have been expected to rule them. He said you wanted to embrace a more modern form of leadership. He said that you were ready to learn from me what it means to be Nirolian, but obviously none of that is true. And yet you have the gall to stand there and accuse me of deceit.’
In the shadows of the corr
idor she could see the warning angry colour seeping up under the taut flesh of his jaw.
‘You dare to accuse me—’
‘I dare to do whatever I have to do for my country. That is after all the only reason I am marrying you.’ Natalia almost threw the words at him in defence of herself.
The look he gave her made her burn and now it was her turn to feel the hot surge of angry blood burning up under her skin.
‘The only reason? What about the couture gown you are wearing, the diamonds around your neck?’
‘You think I want those? Well, I do not. They mean nothing to me. No, that isn’t true. What they represent to me is the way in which the poor are forced to work for a pittance so that the rich can adorn themselves. You talk of me deceiving you—well, I could make the same accusation of you. You are not the man I believed I would be marrying, the man I believed would be worthy of fathering my children.’