Dear God! She shuddered to think how close she had come to being raped. If Nico hadn't come in when he had! Nico! Tears started to pour from her eyes. She huddled on the bed, knees drawn up under her chin, arms folded protectively around them, curling her body into the smallest, tightest ball possible. The brief knock which preceded the opening of the door had her tensing every muscle,. She caught a glimpse of Nico's closed, grim face, the dark shadowing of hair in the opening of his shirt, and turned away, shivering with nausea, her feelings reflected in her eyes before she closed them too late to conceal her expression from the man standing in the doorway with a small bowl in one hand and a tube of cream in the other.
'Saffron.' He said her name as softly as though he were calling some timid woodland creature, his voice perfectly even and soothing as he approached the bed, talking to her all the time. 'It's perfectly all right,' he told her, 'I don't want to hurt you. I just want to look and make sure your wound hasn't opened up again. I'll put some cream on your bruises. See, it doesn't hurt, does it?' he asked quietly, as she allowed him to take her arm and smooth some of the lotion on to it, her body tensed and wary.
'Saffron…'
Tears trembled on her lashes, her whole body shaking.
'Don't touch me.' She said it so quietly he had to bend his head to catch the anguished words. 'Don't come near me. I feel so dirty ... so dirty ...' She had started to rock from side to side, her eyes blank and unseeing. Nico reached for her, but she tensed against him, still trembling.
'Saffron, it's all right. He won't touch you again, I promise ... It's all right. Come, let me take this blouse, and then you can wash—I'll bring you some water. You'll feel better.' He got up and walked to the door, but Saffron gave no indication of seeing or hearing him, her thin arms still locked round her taut body as she repeated over and over, 'So dirty ... so dirty ...'
When he came back she was still in the same position. Patiently, just as though she were a child, he unlocked her arms from her knees, straightening out the cramped limbs and removing her torn blouse. Although she flinched from the touch of his hands when he sponged her bruised flesh she didn't try to avoid him, and as his hand stroked softly over her skin some of the tension started to drain out of her. As though he sensed it Nico paused, his eyes searching her face before he said gently,
'You're all right, Saffron. Nothing happened. He didn't…'
'Rape me?' She shuddered deeply with the words. 'But he was going to, and there wasn't anything I could do stop him. I .could have died, and all I would have known was that.'
His voice and hands soothed her as he stroked her body and told her that it was over, holding her like a child in the comfort of his arms, only releasing her when he was sure that she had started to relax.
'I've brought you some water.' He gestured to the large bowl on the floor. 'I'll leave you to get washed, but I'll be back in half an hour with some supper.'
When he had gone Saffron got shakily to her feet, washing herself slowly like someone in the grip of a dream. The tattered remnants of her blouse provoked a fresh wave of remembered horror, but she quelled it and pulled on her other blouse. She was just buttoning it when Nico arrived with her supper.
She didn't want to eat it, but as though he sensed her refusal Nico said quietly, 'I'm not leaving until every bit of it has gone. Olivia tells me you've eaten nothing all day.'
'What's the point?' To her horror her voice shook, tears welling in her eyes.
'Come...' A spoonful of meat and pasta was held to her lips, and her mouth opened as obediently as a child's. Once she had taken a mouthful she realised how hungry she was. Nico had also brought her a mug of coffee, although when she tasted it she pulled a face over its strange flavour.
'Brandy,' Nico explained briefly. 'It will mitigate the shock and help you sleep.'
Sleep! How could she possibly sleep when every time she closed her eyes she saw Guido's face, felt his hands on her body? Her face worked. She put down the mug with exaggerated care:
'Nico...'
'I know, but it will p
ass.'
'How can you know?' she cried wildly. 'It hasn't happened to you—you haven't had to endure the ... It was loathsome, hateful! I feel so ... so defiled…'
'Saffron.' He said her name gently, taking hold of her arms and holding her so that she couldn't avoid the penetrating quality of his gaze. 'What happened was not your fault. If it was anyone's it was mine. I knew Guido wanted you; I told myself you were encouraging him, but I knew it wasn't true. No blame attaches to you. You must believe that.'
'How can I,' she cried painfully, 'when I know if he had raped me no one would have believed me? Every time anyone touches me it will seem like it's him ... I can't...' She shuddered again, not seeing the way Nico's eyes darkened or the grim set of his mouth.
'Saffron, I...'
'Don't leave me alone tonight, Nico,' she begged half hysterically. 'Please don't leave me alone ... I couldn't bear it, I....'
'Hush ... hush!' His arms were round her again, forcing her to relax.
'It's all right ... Everything's fine. I'll stay. Come, lie down and try to sleep. I promise I'll be here if you need me.'
Strangely enough she did sleep, but only because Nico shared the narrow bed with her, holding her against the protective warmth of his body so that there was no way for Guido's image to impose itself on her mind.
There was barely room for them both on the small bed, and she woke some time during the night to find that she was curled against Nico's warmth, her head resting against his chest and her arms locked round his waist.
'Nico, are you awake?'