‘But you knew it was on the wrong way,’ she insisted. ‘Don’t bother denying it, Joel. I can see it in your eyes. You should have told Daphne…’
‘Since when did your sister listen to anything I might have to say? I’m nothing… no one. I’m not entitled to have an opinion. I’m too thick to have an opinion—that’s what she thinks.’
‘That’s not true,’ Sally protested, but her voice lacked conviction. ‘You’ll have to go back and redo it,’ she told Joel.
‘I can’t,’ he responded. ‘I’m too busy down at the centre…’
Sally stared at him angrily.
Daphne had rung her up right in the middle of one of the specialists’ rounds. She had tried to tell her sister that it wasn’t a convenient time to speak to her, but Daphne had ignored her hints as she’d told her furiously what Joel had done, her voice rising so sharply that Sally had suspected that half the ward must be able to hear what she was saying.
In the end she had had to cut her short, apologising and assuring her that Joel would repaper the room.
Fortunately it obviously hadn’t occurred to her that Joel had hung it incorrectly deliberately. Tears of frustration and anger clogged her throat. How could Joel have behaved so stupidly? He must have known what would happen, and all the extra shifts she had been working to pay the bills and to try to put a bit of money on one side would have to go towards paying for Daphne’s wallpaper now.
‘Too busy doing what?’ she demanded. ‘Wasting time with your friends? Joel, you know…’
‘Mum, Dad’s coaching the——’
‘Be quiet, Paul,’ Sally told him irritably. ‘Go up to your rooms, both of you.’
Out of the corner of her eye Sally saw the looks Paul and Cathy exchanged as Paul shrugged and walked towards the door. She wasn’t used to hearing either of them, but especially Paul, defend their father, and for some reason the fact that he had done so grated on her, adding to her anger.
‘How could you be so irresponsible, Joel?’ she demanded after they had gone. ‘You must have known what would happen. Have you any idea how many extra hours I’ll have to work to pay for that paper… ?’
‘We’re not paying for it,’ Joel told her.
‘No,’ Sally agreed fiercely.’ We’re not… I am. Something about the look on his face made her feel sore and unhappy inside, but somehow she couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out. She had felt so guilty when Daphne had told her what he had done, torn between wanting to placate her sister and conversely wanting simply to put the phone down and walk away.
Couldn’t Joel see that his petty revenge on Daphne for what he considered to be her snobbery was hurting her much more than it was her sister?
To tell the truth, Joel was beginning to feel guilty about what he had done: not on Daphne’s account—nothing could change his opinion of her—but on Sally’s.
But at the same time he was also angry at the way she automatically took her sister’s side, refusing to see his point of view, dismissing his work at the centre as unimportant, a waste of time, making him feel useless, worthless.
‘We’ll have to pay for it now. I’ve told Daphne we would, and you’ll have to go round and apologise to her.’
Joel swung round. ‘Me, apologise to her?’ His mouth hardened. ‘No way,’ he told Sally curtly.
‘You can do it when you go round to repaper the room,’ Sally continued doggedly. Panic was twisting her stomach. In order to get Daphne off the phone she had agreed with her that Joel must apologise, and if Joel continued to refuse to do so…
‘I’m not going round,’ Joel told her. ‘Not to apologise and not to redo her bloody dining-room. As I just said, I’ve got better things to do.’
He watched her broodingly five minutes later as she left the room and went upstairs. She did look tired and drained, and a part of him had longed to go over to her and take her in his arms… to hold her as he used to… as she used to want him to do when they were first married and she had needed and wanted him.
He remembered how, when she was first pregnant with Cathy, her back aching with the weight of the baby, she had used to nestle gratefully in his arms while he held her and rubbed her aching muscles. He had felt so guilty and responsible for her discomfort, but she had laughed at him, saying that an aching back was a small price to pay for the baby they both wanted.
Now he felt equally guilty, but for different reasons. But how could he go to her and hold her, reassure her and comfort her, when both of them knew that he hadn’t been able to keep the promises he had originally given her?
‘I’m pregnant,’ she had told him, awe and wonder in her voice, her expression quickly changing as she asked him, ‘How will we manage, Joel, without my wages? I…’
‘We’ll manage,’ he had said then. ‘I’ve got a bit put by and I’m due to get a rise soon.’
How proud and confident she had made him feel as she’d looked up adoringly at him before snuggling back into his arms, her fears put to rest by his reassurance.
These days she’d treat that kind of comment from him with contempt and derision… and with good reason, he acknowledged grimly.
* * *