Kenneth was surprised how much it excited him, this prolonged drawn-out prologue to their relationship. The sheer headiness and euphoria of his anticipation had caught him off guard, like breathing in air that was short of oxygen, he recognised. Quick, urgent sex had never appealed to him; he enjoyed the power and self-control of a long period of foreplay.
His wife had once accused him of being narcissistic sexually, of enjoying the thought that he was arousing and controlling her, of bestowing on her the gift of orgasm more than he enjoyed his own release.
It had been shortly after that that she had stopped reaching orgasm, telling him that she refused to be used, to be studied as some kind of a laboratory specimen; that she felt that his desire to get sexual satisfaction at second hand via her was a form of perversion.
He frowned angrily to himself. She had never really understood him; her reactions had been too coarse, too earthy. Sally was different: more sensitive and finely tuned. His desire for her was as much a form of mental arousal as a physical one.
The fact that today, when he could have chosen to take her home with him and have her all to himself, he had instead elected to be with her in public sharpened his desire for her, adding a fiercely keen edge to it.
‘I know,’ he told her now, as though the thought had just occurred to him. ‘It’s such a marvellous day—why don’t we go to Farringdean?’
‘Farringdean?’ Sally frowned uncertainly. She had heard of the elegant Georgian House and its gardens, but it was somewhere she had never been.
‘The house probably won’t be open but the gardens will,’ Kenneth told her. ‘We can walk there and talk… get to know one another better.’
‘That sounds lovely,’ Sally told him gratefully. Had he guessed how mixed up and confused she felt, aware of his desire for her and her own response to it and yet at the same time reluctant to acknowledge it openly and to take their relationship a step further?
Just as long as she stayed on this side of the physical barrier that separated them, she could still tell herself that she was doing nothing wrong, but once she crossed it…
* * *
‘So how are things at home?’
They had been walking through the gardens for almost half an hour, Sally unable to prevent herself from stopping every few minutes to admire them and exclaim over their beauty.
‘Not too bad,’ she told him.
They were walking slowly along the gravel paths of a formal garden, and Kenneth was holding her hand in his. She felt happy and relaxed, enjoying his physical closeness in the knowledge that it was not a prelude to a demand for sex, as it would have been with Joel.
‘Joel’s become very involved down at the leisure centre and he seems to spend nearly all his time down there.’
Kenneth was frowning. ‘I thought he was supposed to be looking for a job,’ he commented sharply.
‘He was,’ Sally agreed.
‘But instead he goes out enjoying himself, leaving you to work to support him?’ Kenneth’s mouth hardened and Sally felt a small thrill of pleasure that he should be so angry on her behalf.
But her conscience prompted her to add, ‘He is actually doing some voluntary work, coaching young swimmers…’
‘But he doesn’t get paid for it… Does he have any idea of how lucky he is to have a woman like you?’ Kenneth asked her softly, stopping walking and turning to face her. His free hand touched her face lightly.
‘He doesn’t value you properly, Sally; you know that, don’t you? I’d take any kind of work… do anything…’ He stopped and shook his head. ‘What is it?’ Kenneth asked her. ‘And don’t say “nothing” because your eyes are already giving you away. I don’t know what it is that’s going through your mind, but I do know it’s upsetting you…’
‘It’s nothing really… just something Joel did… My sister wanted him to do some wallpapering for her. She was having an important dinner party—her husband’s headmaster and his wife—only Joel put the wallpaper on upside-down and now…’
She bit her lip. ‘Daphne wants him to go back and repaper the room, but he won’t. That means I’ll have to go and do it next Monday on my day off…’
She didn’t add that she hadn’t told Joel yet, nor that he would be furious with her for doing so, but what alternative did she have?
‘You’re too good for him,’ Kenneth whispered, squeezing her hand. ‘You shouldn’t stay with him, you know… a man who doesn’t appreciate or value you.’
Sally’s mouth went dry. Her heart started to thump uncomfortably hard. Kenneth’s words were only an echo of her sister’s, and yet coming from him they held a much greater import.
‘I?
? I can’t leave him,’ she protested in agitation. ‘He… he needs me…’
‘He’s using you,’ Kenneth told her forcefully. ‘And besides, you shouldn’t be asking yourself if he needs you, Sally, but whether you need him… if you want him… Do you still sleep together?’ he asked her abruptly.