Cruel Legacy

‘Nothing,’ Richard lied shortly, and then added betrayingly, ‘For God’s sake, Liz, it’s only a two-day conference you’re going on. With all the fuss you’re making, anyone would think you’re going to a world summit… When I went to conferences…’

Elizabeth had heard enough.

‘When you went to conferences, you had me to organise this kind of thing for you,’ she told him with a sweep of her hand, indicating the things laid out neatly on the bed. ‘Maybe I am over-reacting a little bit, but you see, this is all still very new to me, Richard… New and—yes, I admit it—exciting as well… No doubt when I’ve attended as many conferences as you have I’ll be as blasé about them as you are, but until then I’m afraid you’ll just have to indulge me a little bit,’ she told him tartly.

Ruefully Richard shook his head. ‘Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry, Liz,’ he apologised.

‘I know how worried you are about the Accident Unit,’ Elizabeth told him gently, softening towards him. ‘If you think it would help if we talked about it…’

‘Save the counselling for your clients,’ he suggested, his irritability returning.

When he saw the way Elizabeth folded her lips and quietly turned away from him he cursed himself under his breath. How could he explain to her how he felt? How could she possibly understand what it was like to feel as though you were constantly having to look over your shoulder to see how quickly younger men were catching up with you… what it felt like to wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because all you could see in front of you was a dead end, a blank wall, where once there had been a dozen different avenues of possibility and promise?

Of course Liz was excited about this conference, about the new life opening out in front of her, but her excitement, her opportunity was in such direct contrast to his own fears that he felt that it would be impossible for her really to understand… And besides, he didn’t want to burden her with his fears; he didn’t want to spoil things for her.

‘Barbara has her own key,’ Elizabeth told him, referring to the young single mother who came in to clean for them twice a week. ‘And when I shop I’ll get in a couple of ready-made meals you can microwave…’

‘For God’s sake, Liz, I’m not a child. I can put together a meal if necessary, you know. Besides, you’re only going away for a couple of days, not a couple of months… I’ll probably eat at the hospital anyway…’

‘The hospital? I thought you’d want to get some golf in…’

‘I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on,’ Richard told her.

The budgets. He had seen the tiny frown in Brian’s eyes the last time he had mentioned them and he had made himself a vow that despite his aversion to the whole principle of turning the National Health Service into a cost-effective exercise he would prove to David Howarth that he was perfectly capable of running his department just as efficiently financially as anyone else.

Just so long as that efficiency didn’t prejudice the health of his patients.

‘In fact I might do a couple of hours’ work this evening,’ he added.

‘Oh, Richard, no,’ Elizabeth protested. ‘We’re supposed to be going over to see Sara this afternoon. You can’t have forgotten… It’s weeks since you last saw your grandchild.’

He had forgotten, and watching the expression on his face made Elizabeth suddenly feel illogically anxious. It wasn’t like Richard to be so irritable and withdrawn.

‘Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?’ she persisted.

For a moment Richard wavered, tempted to tell her, but what could Elizabeth say to him that he had not already said to himself?

‘Nothing’s wrong,’ he repeated, turning to leave the bedroom.

Elizabeth frowned as she watched him go. Something was bothering him, she knew that. Why was it that all men, even the most mature and well-adjusted of them, insisted on retreating behind this wall of protective male silence? What was, after all, really so threatening about simply saying what was on their minds?

She saw it time and time again with her clients, and sympathised with their female partners in their baffled frustration at their men’s refusal to accept that being open about their feelings made them and their relationships stronger, not weaker.

But she understood how important the new Fast Response Accident Unit was to Richard and how hard he had worked to try to ensure that it was sited at the General.

Thoughtfully she went downstairs. Richard was in the kitchen making them both a cup of tea. Quietly she accepted his peace offering.

‘I forgot to tell you—Brian and his wife are giving a dinner party to welcome our new psychiatrist and introduce him to everyone.’

‘Is he anyone you know?’ Elizabeth asked him.

‘No. From the sound of it working at the General is going to be a bit of a step down for him. According to Brian he’s been working in the States for the last few years, although he is British, but now, for family reasons, he wants to come back and doesn’t mind taking a drop in status and income in order to do so… Brian was full of the innovative measures he’s implemented at Johns Hopkins; apparently he believes in the psychiatric department working alongside the medical and surgical departments where necessary, treating the patient as a whole, not as a separate collection of needs. It seems that he’s very keen on ensuring that medical and surgical patients get proper counselling to help them overcome any trauma they might be suffering…’

‘Mmm… well, the two of you should get on well, then. That’s something you’ve been campaigning for for years. You’re always complaining that far too many patients come to you totally unprepared mentally for the effects of their surgery.’

‘Brian and David seem to have a very high opinion of him. He’s only thirty-eight…’

Elizabeth put down her tea, puzzled by the note of resentment she could hear in Richard’s voice. He had always been a man who was very open to other people, but now, for some reason, he sounded almost truculent.