“That is part of it, of course. But I want—I want—”
He hesitated, too. What did he want? Things had seemed so clear this morning. He’d made Ivy his responsibility; that meant buying her whatever she needed.
But somewhere during the course of the day, that had changed. She’d gone from being his responsibility to being his pleasure and joy.
“I want to do the right thing,” he said, hurrying the words because that was safer than trying to figure out where in hell this line of thought might lead. “I should have done that from the start instead of rushing off like a frustrated schoolboy the night I brought you here.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Ivy said quickly. This wasn’t a topic she wanted to discuss. “I understood.”
They had reached the palace. He pulled up in front of it, killed the engine and took her hands in his.
“I know it’s no excuse but I’ve never lost control as I did that night, kardia mou. I’ve never wanted a woman as I wanted you.”
He spoke in the past tense. She understood that, too. He’d gone to Athens. Satisfied his—his needs.
“It was just as well that call came from my office. If I’d remained here, I don’t know—I don’t know what would have happened.”
She stared at him. “You mean, you went to Athens on business?”
“What else would have taken me from you that night?” He gave a halfhearted laugh. “If anyone had ever suggested I would be grateful one of my tankers hit a reef…”
He hadn’t left her for another woman’s bed. Why did that mean so much?
“As for this child…No, don’t look away from me.” He cupped her chin and turned her face toward his. “How can we start over if we keep hiding things from each other? I did not know anything about a child. Do you really think, had I known, I would have abandoned it?”
Ivy shook her head. “Kay said—”
“Kay lied,” he said sharply. “And that is the truth. I may not be a saint but I swear to you, I did not do these things. I did not ask Kay to become pregnant, and I certainly did not ask her to have a stranger become pregnant in her place.”
“Me,” Ivy said in a small, shaky voice.
“You,” Damian said, bringing her hands to his lips. “But you are not a stranger any longer. You are a woman I know and admire.”
“How can you admire me when you think—you think I did this for money? I didn’t, Damian, I swear it. I didn’t want to do it at all but—”
“But?”
But, I owed my stepsister more than I could ever repay.
She couldn’t tell him that. The enormity of her debt. What would become of his admiration if she did? Only Kay knew her secret, and Kay had made her see that she must never tell anyone else.
“But,” she whispered, “Kay took care of me after I—after I left foster care. I would have done anything to make her happy and so I said I’d do this…” Ivy bowed her head. “But I lied to myself. How could I have thought I’d be able to give up my—give up this baby?” Her voice broke. “Even the thought of it tears out my heart.”
Damian took her in his arms, rocked her against him while she wept.
“Don’t cry,” he murmured. “You won’t have to give up the baby, I promise.” He pressed a kiss to her hair. “I am proud you carry my child, Ivy.”
She looked up, eyes bright with tears. “Are you?”
“I only wish—I wish that I had put my seed deep in your womb as I made love to you.” He kissed her; she clung to his shoulders as she kissed him back. “What I said in New York has not changed. I want to marry you.”
“No. I know you want to do the right thing but—” She swallowed. “But I wouldn’t be a good wife.”
He smiled. “Have you been married before?” When she shook her head, his smile broadened. “Then, how can you know that?”
“I just do.”
“We would start out together, kardia mou, I learning to be a good husband, you learning to be a good wife.”