The F-Word

And just that quickly, I am alone.

17

I spend Sunday in a funk.

I leaf through the Sports section of the Sunday New York Times, but after I toss it aside I can’t recall anything I read.

I watch football, but I have no idea who wins or loses the games.

I phone out for a pizza. Walter hears me say the word when I place the order. “Woof,” he says happily, and starts slobbering. When the pizza arrives, I look at it, remember the pizza Bailey and I shared just yesterday, and suddenly my appetite is gone.

Walter lucks out.

Instead of sharing the pie with me, he gets all of it.

I consider calling my folks. Sooner or later, I have to deal with Mrs. Simms and what she’s eager to tell my mother, but I revert to what I did when I was in trouble as a kid. I put off the problem in hopes it will go away. After a while, when my mother doesn’t call me, I decide it has gone away.

Pathetic, right?

And, of course, I try phoning Bailey.

My calls go to voice mail each and every time.

I leave messages that range from light-hearted—Hey, the Patriots are playing the Jets. How about I come by and we laugh at what New York calls football? all the way to pleading—Bailey. I never meant for you to get hurt. Please pick up. We have to talk.

In mid-afternoon, my phone rings. I forget such niceties as Caller ID and grab the phone.

“Bailey?”

“Matt. This is your mother.”

I bite back a groan. “Mom. Look, if this is about the weekend…”

It’s about the weekend, all right. And me. And Bailey, and what a wonderful girl she is and how I made her cry by pretending I cared for her and how could I ever have treated her so badly…

And, and, and.

It’s clear that my mother has heard a garbled version of what happened. I wait until she runs out of breath. Then I tell her the truth. Well, most of it. How Bailey’s been mistreated all her life by her cousin. How she just couldn’t face turning up at that cousin’s wedding without a date.

How I offered to help.

The only thing I don’t tell her is that Bailey and I spent most of the weekend in bed. That’s much too private. Besides, it wasn’t part of the plan and the truth is, I don’t regret it.

Making love with Bailey was…It was incredible. I am not going to talk about it with anyone, and I sure as hell am not going to forget it.

“Matt?”

“Yeah. I’m here.”

“Bailey is one in a million.”

I agree.

“I know you meant well, son, but you should have realized this scheme would backfire.”

I rub my forehead. “I didn’t think it would or I’d never have suggested it.”

My mother sighs. “Didn’t you know Bailey had feelings for you?”