“Nothing,” she replied blankly, unable to divulge her deepest, darkest secrets to him.
That dreaded ache began to build around her heart again. She made herself a promise right there and then that as soon as Aggy was better, Aidan could demand what he liked. She was going to swap her duties with her friend and work downstairs from now on. This was too much for her beleaguered senses to endure. She couldn’t stand it for a moment longer. When she felt tears sting her eyes, she tried to ease away from him only to find herself wrapped in his gentle hold.
“What is it, what’s wrong” he asked, studying the hurt on her face.
“Nothing,” she replied. The last thing she needed right now was this tenderness from him. It battered her defences and left her helpless.
Aidan cursed himself for his foolishness. He was busy thinking about the way his body responded while she was focused on where she could deposit him. It made him wonder if all of this desire was just a figment of his imagination. Whether it was something he wanted, needed, because he was confined to his room, rather a mutual attraction.
His doubts were immediately quashed, though, when she looked up at him.
To say that her soul was in her eyes was an understatement. He read in those slumberous depths all the emotions that were currently battering him and knew that this was indeed a mutual affair.
Before she could move away, he lowered his head and captured her lips in a kiss that stole both their breaths. He sensed her hesitation but wouldn’t allow her to avoid what was happening. One hand seized the back of her head, preventing her from drawing away. He didn’t release her, not even when she didn’t immediately return his caress. It was clear from her hesitancy that she had never been kissed before. Not since the last time he had kissed her in any case. However, he persisted, refusing to allow her to ignore what lay between them.
She couldn’t deny herself this one special moment. She didn’t want to. This was what she wanted. He was what she wanted. The dominating possession of his lips stole all sense, all thought, and made the world, and everything in it fade into insignificance. Being wrapped in his arms was the place she truly felt she belonged. It was the first time she had ever felt anything even remotely like this. It was gentle; it was as worrying as it was rewarding. It made her feel feminine and wanted; needed, yet also brought forward a sense of heartbreak unlike no other, because she knew it couldn’t last. This man could never be hers. Recklessly, she couldn?
??t draw away. When his long arms slid around her waist, drawing her closer, she stepped forward instead. She could feel his every heartbeat thundering in tune with hers. Each time he drew a breath it felt as if he was taking the air right out of her, and she surrendered it gladly. When he leaned forward, she stepped backward.
He would have followed her to the ends of the earth. Nothing could have parted him from her. Nobody could tell him to stop. He would just ignore them. He didn’t care about the servants downstairs. He didn’t spare a thought for the dowager, or her companion, or the dratted Edwards, who might appear at any moment. Nothing in the household was as important as the woman in his arms, and what was happening between them.
She took another backward step but couldn’t release her hold on him. He took another step forward. Again and again, until the bed nudged the back of her legs.
He broke the kiss long enough to drag the covers back but swiftly returned to her.
“Tell me to stop,” he ordered quietly. He cupped her face in his hands and looked solemnly down at her. “Tell me to stop, Petal.”
She knew he was right. Her heart dipped beneath the heavy weight of disappointment, but that was quickly tempered with a defiance that she had never felt before.
As a young child, she had always been a dutiful daughter and had followed each of her father’s rules to the letter. As an adult, she was now in a job which also required her to follow somebody else’s rules, regardless of what she wanted, and she was sick and tired of it.
This was the first time someone – anyone – had ever treated her like a person; a woman; and she wanted to savour every single moment of it. Whatever the future held she knew her life would remain in service to someone somewhere. That was who she was. There was nothing she could do about it. It was the only thing she could do. She needed to keep a roof over her head and to do that she must work. Being a maid was her life now.
But did that mean that she had to stop becoming a woman? Did that mean she had to sacrifice who she was, and what she wanted, for the sake of being able to eat, and possibly take home a wage to her father? What about what she wanted in life? What about what she felt, thought, needed? Throughout her life there were very few opportunities to converse with anyone other than downstairs servants and footmen, but she wasn’t interested in any of them. There was something about Aidan that had captured something deep within her, and there was nothing she could do to get that back.
She has changed forever now, after just a few kisses. She knew, she didn’t know how yet, but she just knew, that allowing any other man such liberties would never be the same. They couldn’t possibly bring her the emotions Aidan made her feel. Nobody could.
He groaned when she remained mute and merely looked at him.
When he kissed her again, the logical side of him wanted her to be a little frightened and back away before things went too far. He was only a man, and his patience would only stretch so far. He had tested its limits enough already. To his surprise, Petal returned his embrace with equal ferocity. Her soft palms swept along the corded length of his arms, and over his shoulders until they came to rest at the back of his neck.
Even when he tipped his head and deepened the kiss, she merely copied his movements, and in doing so sealed both of their futures.
Hours later, Aidan listened to the steady thump of his heart and stared blankly at the canopy overhead while he contemplated what had just happened. Petal was nestled beneath one arm, her satiated body half buried beneath the weight of his. He just couldn’t summon the energy to move. This was the most replete he had ever felt in his entire life. If he was honest, he couldn’t quite believe what they had shared.
He now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she did indeed feel the same way as he did.
He also knew that she was untried, and he had just completely ruined her.
In a way, although he was still deeply worried about the outcome, he knew he had just solved many of his problems. First and foremost of which was the woman beside him. By sharing his bed the way she had, although she may not know it yet, she had just committed her life to his. Surrendering to him in such intimate terms had left his brand upon her in a way that no other man ever could. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to tell her.
Pressing a kiss to her temple, he began to relax for the first time in a long time. Well, since the last time he had held her.
“The kisses we shared the other week, when Edwards laced my meal, happened, didn’t they?” he whispered thoughtfully. He knew they did, he just wanted her to confirm it.
Petal lay listening to the dull thump of his heart. The coarse hairs on his chest tickled her nose, but she daren't move. She couldn’t. She wanted to stretch this moment out for as long as she could. As soon as she got out of bed, the real world would intrude on her contentment, and steal her happiness and couldn’t bear for that to happen just yet.
She would have been happy to spend the rest of her life like this, but knew that was impossible. That thought was like a bucket of cold water over her and brought forth such doubts and confusion that she suddenly began to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Still, she couldn’t lie to him.