Hopeless Heart

“I had to leave. I realised that he would always side with my parents because he cannot see any problem with the way they see me. To all of them, I will always be a child. I cannot bear it any more. But I also cannot bear the prospect of staying there and being forced to endure the wedding preparations, all the while-” Her impassioned speech was cut abruptly short when her tears began to flow. At first, her voice croaked, but then her breath was suspended by a huge sob which escaped and released a tide of misery.

“There, there,” Ruth murmured repeatedly while Georgiana wept as though her heart was broken.

It was. It truly was. Georgiana’s heart was damaged, dented, battered, and bruised beyond repair. A lifeline had been torn from her body, and had no idea what to do now that it was gone. Will had always been there but now he wasn’t–he was gone, and wouldn’t ever be back. It was like being cast adrift in a storm tossed sea with no land for miles around. She was tossed this way and that but had no idea which direction she should go to steady herself so that everything would be alright again.

“I am shocked that Will has decided to marry Penelope Smedgrove. She is that awful creature who has a laugh like a hyena isn’t she?” Ruth said in disgust.

Georgiana nodded. “She is callous and spiteful, and an awful gossip, but she is his choice of bride.”

“Well, it is his loss,” Ruth sighed in commiseration. “It serves the silly man right. I bet the children will be ugly.”

Georgiana laughed huskily. “You sound just like Mr Parker.”

“Well, we both can’t be wrong then, can we? From the sound of it, Will isn’t going to come after you this time and that will give you the opportunity to decide what you want to do.” She paused and pierced Georgiana with a longing smile. “I do so wish you would contemplate moving here permanently. Although it is an out of the way place for someone as young as you to live, it really is a wonderful village.

”

“I had forgotten how delightful it is,” Georgiana sighed.

“Well, you must stay here with me until you can decide what to do,” Ruth announced firmly when Georgiana had collected herself and now sat nursing the remains of her tepid tea.

“I don’t ever want to go back to Cranbury again,” Georgiana whispered. “I don’t want to speak out of turn but I have never truly lived happily with Cecily.”

Ruth threw her a commiserating smile. “Well, you should not be obliged to go back there. If, for some strange reason, Will does try to persuade you to go back, I will help you in any way I can. I am happy to make sure that your paths don’t cross should he appear at the door if you wish?”

This time, Georgiana nodded enthusiastically. “I would be forever in your debt if you would be so kind,” she whispered. “I cannot deal with him right now, or my parents. When they do realise I have come here, Cecily will get someone to come and fetch me. Whoever turns up needs to be sent away again.”

“Well, let us deal with whoever turns up when they appear, shall we? Until then, let’s consider this a permanent move.”

The hope in Ruth’s voice was something Georgiana didn’t have the strength to quash even if she had the heart to.

“Thank you,” Georgiana said effusively. “I can pay for my upkeep while I am here.”

“Nonsense. I will have none of that kind of talk young lady. For now, you need to get some rest. You are falling asleep in your tea.”

Georgiana nodded and stifled a yawn as she made her way up the stairs to her bed chamber. It was considerably smaller than her room in Cranbury but, if she was honest, Ruth’s house was much nicer. The low slung beams crossing the ceiling and old stone fireplace gave the room an old world charm that was engaging. With the fire lit, the room quickly filled with warmth and bathed everything in a golden glow which was welcoming and cosy.

Exhausted beyond belief, mentally more than physically, Georgiana lay upon the bed, and fell into her first proper night’s sleep in a very long time.

CHAPTER NINE

Several days later, Georgiana was finally starting to lose the tension she hadn’t even known she was carrying. Ruth’s house had quickly started to feel more like home than her old home in Cranbury had ever been. The ease in which she had settled into life in Mecklemerry was startling, but also proved she had made the right decision in coming to live with Ruth.

Of course, she had yet to decide what to do about writing to her father, but didn’t see the need to rush into making any decisions about when, or how, she was going to deal with her family. That would have to come later, in several weeks’ time, when Will had wed his beloved, and Cecily had realised her wailing and weeping dramatics were getting her nowhere.

Over the last day or so Georgiana had started to contemplate the list of things she wanted to experience in her life–her ‘adventures’ as Mr Parker liked to call them. Although the list wasn’t long, and wasn’t all that adventurous by some people’s standards, for someone who had led a relatively sheltered life like her, it was about as hedonistic as she dared risk her reputation to experience.

“To skinny dip; I have done that but I would love to experience it again. Scrump for apples. Ride bareback. Dress as a man, which I should need to do to ride bareback. Smoke a pipe; Ruth won’t have one of those. Get drunk; well, that can be arranged without too much anxiety. Wear a red dress and eat grapes.” Georgiana sighed and looked into the conservatory located just off the kitchen. Huge bunches of grapes hung from the ceiling which were ripe and edible. “Perfect. All I need is to buy a red dress, and that is another adventure made possible.”

She studied the next adventure; to kiss a stranger and walking away. While she had once crossed that off her list because she had kissed Will and walked away, it was an incomplete adventure because Will was not technically a stranger.

“It doesn’t count,” she sighed, and re-wrote that particular adventure at the bottom of her list. “I need to do it with a complete stranger. That would count. Now, playing poker in a gaming house; that is something I need to discuss with Ruth.”

If there was a gaming house in the area, she had no idea if she truly understood the semantics of playing poker to be able to play there.

“I really do need to discuss this with Ruth,” she murmured as she studied her list. “At some point, I have to either make a start on these or accept they are nothing more than a flight of fancy I would do better to forget about.”

Even though she spoke the words aloud, something inside was already dismissing that notion. She simply refused to relinquish her goals, any of them. In spite of her dithering, she was aware deep down that she wouldn’t settle until she had crossed some of the adventures off she most wanted to try–like getting drunk.