Love Song (Stage Dive 4.70)

I shook my head. “That was only part of it. A very small part of it. The straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. Now move.”

“We’re not done talking.”

“Oh yes we are. Unless of course you’d like to get punched in the dick.”

His gaze hardened. “I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Move!”

With a snarl of his own, he took a step back, frustration etched into his handsome face. “Fuck’s sake, Jill. Why do you always have to be so…?”

“So, what?”

He just shook his head, mouth tight with frustration.

“Go on. Say it.”

“Emotional,” he spat. “It’s always pushing with you. Where’s our relationship heading? What are my plans for the future? How do I feel about you? We could never just fucking be. The crazy thing is, I was with you. I was a hundred and ten percent with you and it still wasn’t enough.”

“Maybe you should have told me that instead of mumbling excuses when I needed to talk.”

He shook his head.

“Anyway, got some amazing news for you, Adam. We’re no longer together. You no longer have to tolerate my needy, chatty ass.” I wrenched open the door, paused, and slammed it shut again. If this was the last time I ever saw the jerk, then I would say everything I needed to say. And I’d say it now, right up nice and close to his face in a nice clear angry voice. “But while I’m here, how fucking dare you? You wrote a whole damn album telling the world how you felt when you couldn’t even tell me. Not once. Not even once did you tell me how you felt about me.”

“You kicked me out.”

“You took me for granted.”

“You blocked my number.”

“You behaved like an emotionally repressed immature asshole, and I didn’t want to talk to you.” I slammed my hands against his chest. “So there,” I yelled like a reasonable adult.

“I loved you!” he roared back at me. “I loved you, Jill. And maybe I was shit at showing it, but I would have figured it out. I would have gotten there. Why the hell did you give up on me so soon?”

I stared at him, stunned. The blood drained out of my face, my brain feeling both light and heavy at the same time. “You did? You mean that? You really loved me?”

“Of course, I did,” he said, shoulders falling, the fight leaching out of the man. “And it’s not like you ever said it to me either.”

Huh.

“Was it that asshole Chris who was always hanging around?”

“What?” I shook my head, trying to think straight. “No. There was no one else.”

“Bet he was knocking on your door not five minutes after you threw me out.” He cracked his knuckles all Neanderthal-like. “The way he used to look at you…”

Holy cow. Adam had loved me. I’d thought it was all some bad joke or publicity stunt. An artistic temperament leading to imagined feelings or something similar. But he’d actually finally said the words, and from what I could tell, he meant them. Guess still waters really did run deep. And I’d never said it to him because everyone knew the guy had to say it first. It was like an unwritten rule. Still, this new information had my heart hammering inside my chest. “Chris? Really? He does absolutely nothing for me. Never has. Guess I’m not the only one with jealousy issues.”

“Guess not.” A muscle popped on the side of his jaw. Then he squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “What the hell are we doing? Can we not fight for a while? Is that even possible?”

“I don’t know.”

Silence.

Neither of us seemed to know what to say. And the quiet was neither easy nor comfortable. My head was reeling, and even Adam seemed sort of dazed. We’d had the odd disagreement before the big this-is-the-end-of-us moment that led to me kicking him out. However, we’d never yelled in each other’s faces quite like that before. Maybe we should have. More than a little honesty seemed to have slipped out along with all of the accusations and anger.

“Mae is a neighbor and a friend. Nothing more.” He finally turned and headed back to the sofa. “Would have thought you’d have replaced me by now for sure, though.”