“Because I make you crazy in love?”
“Absolutely, that’s the reason. I am crazy, and I do love you,” she faithfully repeated, patting his hand. “And Tommy.”
Across the room, the baby gurgled, and Adam kept right on frowning down at him. Never had I seen a grown man so perturbed by something so small. It was kind of fascinating. A little person, half me and half him. Our little person. How amazing and terrifying would that be?
“There’s no rush,” murmured Ev with a soft smile. “David and I have things we want to do before thinking about having children. That’s still out there someday. And from what I’ve seen, babies are way more work than you can ever imagine.”
“I believe you. But honestly, I don’t even know if Adam and I should be together,” I admitted, my heart on my sleeve.
She blinked. “Well, do you love him?”
God help me. “Sadly, that was never the problem.”
Her smile softened even more. Like she’d been through her own share of doubts and heartache. “Take it one step at a time then, I guess. I don’t know. It’s easy to be smart for other people when it isn’t your soul on the line. Love can hurt like a bitch. But it can be beautiful, too. David taught me that.”
“Hmm.”
Mal cleared his throat, leaning closer. “Thing is, even scared shitless of my small innocent child, that’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Not that you can be personally responsible for someone else’s happiness in life, etcetera. But if he makes you half as happy as you obviously make him, might be worth hanging around for a while. Seeing where things go.”
“Huh,” said Lizzy. Because this obviously wasn’t an even remotely private conversation. “That was almost wise, Mal.”
He sniffed as if insulted. “I’m wise. I know stuff. Tell them what I know, pumpkin.”
“Stuff,” she dutifully once more repeated with a smile and a wink.
“Hey. Psst. Want to run away from the party and go have sex in our apartment while our friends watch the baby?” he whispered far too loudly in her ear.
Lena snorted. “Go do it, you crazy kids. We’ve got Tommy.”
“Yes!” Mal jumped to his feet, hands raised in the air like a boxer in his moment of victory. “Sex. Quick, pumpkin. Let’s go.”
There was laughter and drinks and food and music. Lots of music. Most of my friends were swinging single, living their best lives. Going to parties and having fun being free. It was interesting to be around a slightly older group who were all coupled up. Back when we were together, I’d enjoyed having a partner most of the time. Some of the time. Like Adam, he’d been my first real major important relationship. I hadn’t lived with anyone else before. Not a someone I was in love with.
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I’d never told him I loved him. Maybe I didn’t feel safe enough in the relationship. Certain enough of his attention and intentions. I didn’t know.
He sat on the floor near Jimmy and David, a guitar in his lap. As Mal had said, despite being about to start his first European tour, he did indeed look relaxed and happy. And he kept looking at me. Swift glances to keep checking on me. To ensure I was okay and having fun.
“What’s your next album going to be about?” asked Ben, Tommy gently being rocked to sleep in his arms.
Jimmy quirked a brow. “You’ve done the brokenhearted rage thing. What’s next?”
Adam shot a look my way and I made sure to be busy inspecting my nails. Definitely not listening into anyone’s conversation because…rude. He swallowed. “Wrote a love song this morning. Kind of more upbeat but with a blues background. Feels like that’s going to set the tone for things on the new album.”
“Sounds good,” said Jimmy.
A nod from David Ferris. “Can only write what you’re feeling.”
“I wanna do something different.” Adam picked out a melody on the acoustic guitar. “Going to give the other couple of rage songs I wrote to Martha to sell.”
“Good money in it if you’re not interested in releasing them yourself,” said Ben.
My heart, meanwhile, hammered inside my chest. Adam had written a love song this morning? Something upbeat?
His head turned to the side, his gaze sliding over me. There was knowing in his eyes along with a question. I hadn’t fooled him in the slightest. He knew I’d been listening and wanted to know my reaction. Apparently, mouth gaping and eyes wide was good with him. While I didn’t want this to mean anything, I couldn’t help but feel that it did. Adam had written me a love song. Holy shit. Just the fact turned my world upside down. With a brief satisfied smile thrown in my direction, he turned back to his friends.
Okay then. No big deal.
Deep even breaths, that was the answer. When that didn’t work, I downed my half-glass of wine in one fell swoop. The man was pulling no punches. So walking away from him was going to be nigh-freaking-impossible this time around. Good to know.