GoodWithHisHands: Yet, somehow you just did.
This was…probably the strangest conversation I’d ever had on this app. It was about sex, but not. I didn’t know this guy, but I was enjoying talking with him, almost like a friend or like we were on a date and flirting, not on an app that was usually all about finding the fastest way to come.
TheDoctorIsIn: I work at the university hospital.
I didn’t, but that was what I always told strangers I would maybe fuck. Usually that happened if we met up and actually had a conversation instead of just getting naked. I didn’t typically share it for the sake of it. What I planned to ask next wasn’t typical of me either.
TheDoctorIsIn: Did you always want to be a mechanic?
GoodWithHisHands: No, I didn’t, but I love it. It feels right even though I took a roundabout way to get here, which is a nice way of putting it. My family expected something different, and I thought I wanted something different as well. Things fell apart for me for a bit, and then I decided to let myself figure out who I really was, and…I like working on cars. Who would have thought?
TheDoctorIsIn: I hear ya there. Family expectations can be brutal.
GoodWithHisHands: Are they aware you’re a doctor? How can they not be satisfied with that?
I laughed again.
TheDoctorIsIn: That’s not better than being a mechanic, or working in a restaurant, or anything else.
GoodWithHisHands: Very true. Not better, but it is impressive. You save people, fix them. I have a lot of respect for those in the medical profession. It takes a special kind of person to devote their lives to healing others, to dealing with those who are sick. It’s a gift.
I frowned, slightly surprised at…well, I couldn’t say he sounded emotional, as he’d only been typing, but there was definitely something to what he’d said. Like maybe he’d lost someone he cared about.
TheDoctorIsIn: Be careful, or you’ll make me blush…and fuel my already oversize ego.
GoodWithHisHands: I don’t know you, but you don’t seem the blushing type, and for some reason, I don’t think your ego can get much bigger.
TheDoctorIsIn: Are you sure you don’t know me?
GoodWithHisHands: LOL. Nope. I’m just that good.
A call from Maddy came through. While I didn’t have to answer it, something about this conversation felt…almost too intimate at the moment, which was saying a lot, considering I messaged to possibly have sex with him. Which wasn’t going to happen. Somehow I knew that, and though my dick wasn’t on board with the idea, I was okay with it. I liked this guy. I wanted to keep talking to him just because I enjoyed it, which was odd. Not to mention, totally unlike me.
TheDoctorIsIn: I should go. Something just came up.
GoodWithHisHands: Oh, the jokes I could make to that comment. Instead, I’ll just let you go. Have a good one, Doc.
TheDoctorIsIn: You too.
I ended the conversation feeling strangely lonely. Like I’d lost something.
What the hell had that been? Shaking my head, I returned my sister’s call.
2
Ryder
“It’s so good to have you home,” Kinsley said, sitting across from me at a restaurant she liked in Midtown. It was the first time we’d been able to get together just the two of us since I got back.
“It’s weird, ya know?” It wasn’t as if I hadn’t visited in five years. I spent holidays in Atlanta, vacationed in the summers, but it was different to be back for good, to call this city my home again. It was a whole lot easier to control my environment when I was only there for a limited amount of time. All I did was make sure I didn’t go anywhere I knew the Hutchinsons frequented. If I was invited to a party or event and it was the kind of event they could be at, I didn’t go. There was no way I could do that now that I was back home permanently.
Plus, I was fucking exhausted. I’d hurt Mads, I understood that, and it was one of the biggest regrets of my life, but damn, hadn’t I paid the price? I’d lost my best friend, moved away from my family, and felt like the biggest dick on the planet, all because I’d been young and hadn’t quite sorted out who I was. None of it had been done on purpose.
“I’m sure it is,” Kinsley said. “You up and left Atlanta last minute, uprooted your whole life to make someone else’s existence easier. They didn’t give a shit about you through it all, which still pisses me off. They took it overboard, if you ask me, and I lost living next to my brother because of it. I’m glad you finally decided the Hutchinsons could kiss your ass.”
I grinned at my sister, who really was one of my favorite people. “Well, I wouldn’t say that’s exactly how I’m looking at it.” I’d love it if our families could get over what happened. I wanted Mads to be happy, and I was pretty sure if she let herself think about it, she’d realize she hadn’t been happy with me, not really. I’d been comfortable for her. She’d trusted me, and I’d given her freedom from her overprotective family while also providing the security she needed. But I hadn’t given her what she truly needed. I hadn’t been the kind of husband she deserved, no matter how hard I’d tried. Sex had been a struggle, and that was only the tip of the iceberg.