Off Limits (Secrets Kept 1)

While we’d known each other our whole lives, Hutch and I didn’t do things like this, just the two of us. It wasn’t as if we’d never been in the same room or place alone, but not with intent. I agreed, and we began walking. I let him lead the way, not knowing where the cafeteria was. We didn’t talk at all, not in the hallway or in the elevator. Not until we were in the front of the line at a coffee cart downstairs. “Caramel latte with an extra shot,” he ordered. “What do you want? My treat.”

“I drink the same, actually.” Right down to the extra shot.

“Two caramel lattes, coming up,” the barista replied. “How are things going, Dr. Hutchinson?”

“Not too bad.”

“How’s Miss Layla doing?” He fixed our drinks as he spoke, but I watched Hutch. His eyes lit up at the mention of the little girl.

“She’s doing great. Feisty as ever. Doing real well with her treatment.” The barista finished up our drinks, and I didn’t argue when Hutch paid.

He found a table in a quiet corner of the cafeteria, and we sat down. “Have you seen her?” Hutch asked. “Maddy? The two of you aren’t…”

My body immediately tensed up, anger taking root in my bones. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’m gay. I didn’t use that as an excuse to divorce your sister. My whole life changed with my truth, Hutch. It’s not a game.” I couldn’t believe he’d even think that, that I’d come back and try and pick things up with her again. I’d lost someone I loved that day.

“Shit.” He groaned. “You’re right. I was just making sure. She mentioned you’re back, and then…I don’t know. She seemed different, more… I can’t put my finger on it.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant either, but I couldn’t help saying, “She’s strong as hell. She deserves more credit than she’s given. There’s nothing she can’t do, and when she figures that out, there will be no stopping her.”

I saw the change in him, the pulse in his jaw he’d had upstairs and the blast of coldness from his eyes. “You think I don’t know that? My sister is the most resilient person I know, with the biggest heart. I don’t need you to tell me who she is.”

“Fuck.” I rested my elbow on the table, hand in my hair. This wasn’t going well. “That’s not what I meant. Listen, I don’t know what we’re doing here, man. I hurt her. I know you don’t understand what it was like for me back then.” How could he? Hutch was straight. He’d had a parade of women in and out of his life—at least he used to when I lived there. “I loved her. She was my best friend, and I thought… Hell, Hutch, at first I thought there was something wrong with me because I loved Mads with all my damn heart, but I couldn’t… I wasn’t…”

He put his hand up, clearly not wanting me to go any further.

Mads and I had sex, of course we had, but it was rare—sometimes months went by between each time—and it never felt right. I got off, but it was awkward and left me feeling uncomfortable. I hadn’t been ready to allow myself to piece together why. I think part of me might have known for a while, but in admitting it, in acknowledging it, I knew I’d lose her, and I couldn’t let that happen.

I said, “It’s not as cut and dried as it seems. My sexuality…it took a while for everything to fit into place, but it did, and I’m gay, and that made me lose one of the most important people in my life. It made me hurt the one person I least wanted to hurt. I’ll never get over that.”

It wasn’t until I finished my speech that I realized he was staring at me. Not the same way he had before, but with…hell, I couldn’t read it. The confusion was still there, but it now carried an infusion of what looked like respect.

“I know you didn’t lie, and I know sexuality isn’t always as black and white as people think. I said so that day.”

And his father had looked at him like he’d betrayed the family, betrayed Mads by saying so. “Thank you. I never got to tell you that, for your part in trying to help.” I didn’t know why he’d done it, but he had, and I’d forever be grateful.

Hutch took a drink of his coffee, held my gaze. “You’re volunteering because of her.”

“Yeah.” There was no point denying it. “So are you.” For some reason, I wondered if his family knew. It was a strange thing to consider because why wouldn’t they? But somehow, I knew they didn’t.

Hutch abruptly stood. “I should go.”