My chest began to ache, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. I didn’t want Hutch to feel that way. I didn’t want him to feel like he didn’t have anyone or to be unhappy. I wanted… I wanted to make it better.
“I used to have a crush on him.”
My eyes darted to her. “The two of you haven’t…”
“Oh God no. It was an infatuation thing that ended when we were in college. I’ve heard stories, though…and he’s apparently very, very good. Oh, and he’s bi. Did you know?”
I looked down at my plate, picked up my taco. “No,” I lied, “I didn’t know,” then took a bite so I didn’t have to say anything else for a moment.
“You know…after you came out, I always wondered if Hutch had a part in that.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“When I say I was infatuated with him, let’s just say most people are. You used to watch him…I don’t know, in a different way. You were young, so maybe I’m reading into it, or hell, maybe I’m right, and it’s probably not something you even noticed you were doing, but your eye was definitely drawn to him. At first I thought it was a hero-worship, big-brother type of thing since he was so entwined in our lives, but maybe Hutch was your first crush and you didn’t even realize it. How wild would that have been if things had gone differently? If it had been you and Hutch from the start instead of you and Maddy?” She laughed, but the coil in my gut just got tighter.
“Yeah…wild…”
I couldn’t settle on one thought when it came to what she said—Hutch being sad, and if I’d crushed on him without knowing; thinking stupid things like, what if it had been him and me instead of me and Mads, and then feeling like shit because I wasn’t sure if that made me an asshole or not.
Luckily, we changed the subject, but Hutch didn’t leave my mind for the rest of the day.
That evening, I pulled out my phone and sent a message.
GoodWithHisHands: Hey, friend…kinda have to talk to someone for that to be true. Are we going to ignore each other or be adults about this?
TheDoctorIsIn: Being an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
I wasn’t able to hold back my laugh. This damn man.
Before I could type a message, another came through.
TheDoctorIsIn: What’s for dinner?
GoodWithHisHands: I have chicken and ground beef. I haven’t decided.
TheDoctorIsIn: Well, I guess we better figure it out if we’re going to cook, huh?
I smiled.
GoodWithHisHands: Yeah, I guess we better.
11
Hutch
Ryder and I had gotten back to our regularly scheduled program for the past few days. The only difference was we swapped from the app to texting or FaceTiming, which I got was the most ridiculous thing in the world since we lived in the same building, but keeping distance between us was good.
Still, I looked forward to video calling when we cooked dinner. There was something insanely intimate about it on a level I’d never had with anyone.
That thought should have sent me running, but it didn’t. Somehow it reeled me in more.
It was Monday now, and it would be the first time I’d seen him in person since that day in the elevator when we’d discovered we’d been talking for weeks. I wasn’t the kind of guy to get nervous about someone I was attracted to—male or female. People just didn’t make me nervous like that, mostly because I didn’t care what anyone thought except my family and patients, but I was nervous to see Ryder.
If it wasn’t for Layla, I probably wouldn’t have even gone, but there was no way I could let myself bail on her. Crystal scheduled her appointments and treatments around our visit so she could come by and spend time with me. Even when it didn’t work out that way, I went to Layla because she was my buddy.
I was pretty sure Luke would be discharged soon, having just had a round of chemo for his leukemia. Ryder was planning on asking him today if he wanted to be buddies, which meant they would be able to schedule time to meet even when Luke wasn’t in the hospital.
Luke had been most of what we’d talked about the night before. It was cute how worried Ryder was that Luke wouldn’t want to be his buddy. There wasn’t a chance in hell that wouldn’t happen, but it meant Ryder took this seriously, which only made me like him more…as a friend. I was constantly reminding myself that we were friends and there was nothing wrong with that. Maddy would want us to be friends.
I wasn’t surprised when I arrived to find Ryder was already there. There weren’t any kids in the room other than Luke so far.
“Dr. Hutch! Guess what?” Luke said when he noticed me. There was excitement in his voice, trying to disguise his exhaustion. Treatments took a lot out of their bodies—some of them more than others.