Cruz graciously received his Americano, took a slow sip, and continued.
“We’re going to go back to your parents’ to pick up Bear and then head over to my house. Before we leave, you’re going to tell them we’re together, that you’re moving in with me, and that they are not to meddle in your personal affairs anymore. You will not try to explain yourself about Peanut Gate. You will not seek their approval or give them any excuses to draw you into discussing it further. You will inform them of these changes and we get the hell out. Then you will wait for them to come apologize to you. Because, sweetheart? If you don’t start demanding some respect ‘round here, no one’s going to give it to you.”
I listlessly ran the pad of my index finger over the rim of my cappuccino mug, mulling this over. On the one hand, there was nothing I wanted to do more than what he’d just offered.
On the other hand, I was scared sheetless he was going to wake up tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, or next year and realize that I wasn’t good enough for him.
Once the novelty of having the girl he’d crushed on in high school wore off, he’d see that what he had left was a skittish, overly-sarcastic woman with her life in tatters, her career nonexistent, who was still atoning for what she’d done to her parents.
Besides, if I did what he asked me to do—I might not have parents.
“Talk me through what’s going on in that head of yours.” Cruz leaned back in his seat, his eyes following my every moment carefully.
“I’m afraid my family may turn their backs on me if I do that.”
“They may, and in the short term, that might mean not talking to them. But in the long run, you’re all going to figure it out, and they’ll know to stop messing with you.”
It was easy for him to say.
He wasn’t a single mother.
He didn’t rely on my mother for babysitting, on my father for teaching Bear everything he needed to know about becoming a man, and on Trinity for taking Bear shopping.
He wasn’t worried sick about where he’d spend his next Christmas if things went south.
Or ripping a family apart, and the kid in it, a kid who’d had a complicated childhood to begin with.
“But what if that doesn’t happen?” I slumped in my chair. “And what if you decide to dump me next week when another dazzling Gabriella storms into town?”
“We’re playing what-ifs now?” Cruz arched a thick eyebrow.
“All I’m saying is that I’m the one with everything to lose.”
He let out a cynical chuckle. “Yeah, Messy Nessy. You’ve made it real easy to date you, goin’ around collecting scandals like stamps over the past several years.”
The worst part was I knew that if he gave me one final nudge toward his plan, I’d have gone for it in a heartbeat. I would throw caution to the wind and give it a try, even if it meant going against my family.
But as it happened, Cruz was done playing games. He didn’t seem as eager to give out reassurances as he had when we first started…whatever it was we had going on. And I couldn’t grab hold of his aloofness.
I had no one but myself to blame.
Still, I hung onto my pride with bloody fingernails. With everything I had in me, my feet dangling into the abyss of humiliation. If we did this, if I gave up on everything and went with him, and he dumped me, I would never be able to show my face in this town again.
And I’d lose my family in the process.
“What’s it going to be, Tennessee?” Cruz asked, his face impassive, his shoulders tense. He stole another look at his watch. That’s right. He still had to pay the Duggars a house call. “You in or are you out?”
“Do I have to tell you right now?” I gave him a little haughty snort, like I was wildly amused by his theatrics.
I didn’t like to be cornered. I especially didn’t like to be cornered by people who had more power and control over the situation than I did.
“’fraid so, sunshine.”
“You realize it’s not fair.”
“What I’m realizing is that not even a woman I’ve been pining for over half my life is worth this roller-coaster, tenth-grade dating bullshit. I’ve been honest, candid, and committed. You blew me off time and time again. I’m done.”
“In that case, take me to my parents’ house.”