My tongue pops out of my mouth and licks my top lip, and I feel his eyes move there. They darken, and I'm suddenly aware of the small amount of space between us. And the fact he's looking right at me, my bad side exposed.
I quickly grab my slice of cake and move to the seat I sat in during dinner. I can feel the heat radiating from my body with embarrassment. I’m probably red as a tomato, but I fight the urge to cover my face with my hands.
“Hadley—“
“Do you like chocolate? They had a chocolate torte in the grocers yesterday. Maybe next time I’ll pick one up.” I’m grasping at straws trying to find something to talk about. “But then again, they had a nice platter of fruit. Probably better for us.” I wince. “I mean me. Not you, you’re well… you know. But I’m—“ I’m making a mess of things putting my foot further and further in my mouth. “Do you like steaks? I have a couple in the freezer I can thaw out for dinner tomorrow or—“ The words die on my tongue when his big, callused hand reaches for mine.
His warmth seeps into me. But in a different way. A way I haven’t felt in a long time. Maybe not ever.
“Hadley, you don’t have to hide from me.” His voice rumbles, and I swallow hard.
If he only knew, that’s all I know how to do now.
8
Grayson
Her eyes flick to mine and widen. She doesn’t pull away, and I wrap my hand around hers. Her hand feels so good under mine, and I wish we could stay just like this.
She blinks twice and swallows. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I tilt my head to the side. I don’t want to make her feel more uncomfortable, but I also want to go ahead and get this conversation out of the way. She needs to know what I’m thinking. “I mean that I don’t care about your scars.” I shake my head and mutter “shit” under my breath. You’d think I’d never talked to a woman. “I mean, I care. Of course, I care, but they don’t bother me… they’re barely noticeable. You’re pretty.”
I shake my head because none of that comes out right. It’s a big, jumbled mess, and I know I screwed up almost immediately.
She flinches and pulls her hand out from under mine. “Stop,” she says, holding her hand up. “Don’t, Grayson, please don’t. I know what I am… I look at myself in the mirror every morning.”
Let it go, Grayson, I tell myself.
But I can’t.
“Hadley, I don’t know what you think you see, but I see a woman that’s been through hell and survived it. I see a strong woman that singlehandedly ran this huge ranch by herself for months. I see a woman that is scared to let people in, but I’d give anything to get close to you.”
She’s taking big, deep breaths, and her hands flatten against her stomach. She’s pale and looking at me in total disbelief… and yearning. I see it the way her lips pucker and her eyes hood. She wants to believe me. “I won’t ever lie to you, Hadley.”
She clenches her eyes shut, and I grab on to the back of the chair I’m standing next to stop from walking over to her. This would be so much easier if she’d just let me hold her. I can’t see what she’s thinking or what she’s feeling if she won’t look at me. “Hadley.” I whisper her name. Even I can hear the pleading in my voice.
When she opens her eyes, they’re filled with tears. She rubs underneath them and starts to back out of the room. “I have to go. Let yourself out will you, and please lock the door on the way out.” She barely gets the words out, and she bolts for the door.
“Fuck!” I mutter. I royally fucked that up. What was I thinking?
I put both hands on the chair and lean over it. I want to run after her. I want to show her and prove to her that what I see and what she sees are two completely different things, but she’s not open to it. I know she’s not.
I look at the table and the uneaten orange cake with cream cheese icing. She was so excited about it only minutes ago, and I fucked it up. I know she told me to go, she wants me out of her house, but I can’t leave. Not yet.
I grab a fork and the plate of cake. I walk through the dining room out to the entryway and up the stairs. I walk down the hall and note the only room with the door shut. I know that’s where she is. I put the plate on the table in the hall and knock gently on the door. “Hadley, honey. I’m sorry for ruining your dessert. I set you a piece of cake on the table out here. I’m going to clean up downstairs and go out to the bunkhouse. I’ll leave my number downstairs too in case… you need me.”
I wait for just a second to see if she responds, but she doesn’t. I sigh and walk back downstairs. I clean up the dining room, load the dishwasher, and then check all the locks on the windows through the downstairs. I scrawl my phone number on a notepad next to the old rotary phone on the hallway table, and after locking both the back and front doors, I walk out into the moonlit night. I stand on her porch and put my hat back on the top of my head. There’s a porch swing that is squeaking as the wind blows it. I pull the to-do list out of my pocket and am about to add it to the list and see that Hadley’s already put it on there. I smile before pocketing the list and looking at the white swing.
I can’t help thinking that I would love to be able to sit on that very swing with Hadley in my arms. Forget it, Grayson, I tell myself. Heck, if she runs off like that just from a compliment, there’s no way she’s going to let me hold her close.
I step off the porch and start walking toward the barn. I take in the night sounds of the ranch, and the wind picks up even more on my short walk. There’s a part of me that wonders if I should have left and gone to Amarillo. That was the plan, and I usually do what I say I’m going to do. But on the same thought, I know there’s no way I would have made it out of Oregon. Heck, I probably wouldn’t have made it out of Cherry Falls. I’m physically and mentally drawn to Hadley Fletcher. What started as a need to help her has turned into so much more.
I don’t just want to help her get her ranch lined out. I want to show her how good we can be together. I want her to trust me and more than anything, I want her to see all the good I see in her. Can you fall for someone in such a short amount of time? In the past, I would have definitely said no and probably whoever had mentioned it to me would have gotten a punch in the throat. But now, well, now that I've met and been around Hadley, I think anything is possible. I’m falling for her… which is crazy. I swore after everything with my ex-wife and my best friend, I’d never do this again. I’d never put myself in this position. But here I am, ready to jump in one hundred percent with Hadley.
I try to focus on my work and put the horses in the stalls. I close the door to protect the chickens in the coop from coyotes and a few other things. Mostly because I know if I go inside right now, I’ll just lie on the lumpy mattress and be thinking of Hadley. So I work for a few hours, marking things off the list. A few hours later, mentally and physically exhausted, I make my way from the barn to the bunkhouse. I look up at the big house and notice that Hadley still has her light on. I hope she’s not crying. Fuck, I hate that I hurt her.
The rain starts, and the wind has turned vicious. I’ve been here long enough to know that tonight’s storm is going to be a doozy. I probably won’t get any sleep, which is okay because I know as soon as I close my eyes, I’m going to be dreaming of a honey-eyed woman that already has the power to break my heart.