Broken Beast

He makes that hmm noise that means he's considering it.

"I'm sorry you lost your brother. When I lost my mom, people said so many stupid things. There's nothing worse than some idiot saying 'she's in a better place now.'"

"They're uncomfortable."

I nod. "Grief is scary. For everyone near it. I… I lost a few friends who couldn't handle my anger." Then I redirected it to someone who could take it: me. "It was funny. I was overwhelmed by how little time we have with people we love. I didn't want to waste any more. But I lost my tolerance for bullshit too. I didn't have patience to deal with people."

"It doesn't show."

"I found other ways of coping. I had to… Remy needed me."

"You're a good sister."

"Thanks." I want to touch him. Reach for him. Put my arm on his shoulder. Something. Anything, as long as I can comfort him. "I was thinking… about that man, tonight. Mr. Fitzgerald."

His eyes darken.

"The way he stared… it was so awful. Would it be ridiculous to make sure he's around when we announce our engagement?"

He stares into my eyes for a moment, then he nods. "I can arrange it."

"Oh. Good. Maybe in a few weeks. So it doesn't seem too rushed."

He nods. "Yes, that's smart."

"And I want you to meet Remy first. We're already in the city. It would be easy to do it tomorrow. For brunch maybe. There's a place in this neighborhood we went once. It had great French toast. And good coffee."

"Of course."

"Really?"

"He's your brother. He needs to believe it too."

Right. Adam wants Remy to buy into our ruse. He doesn't want to meet him because he's my brother.

Because he wants into my life.

We may be fucking, but we're not lovers. We're not even friends really.

Still.

He understands a part of me. And I understand a part of him.

Not most of him. But a part. Is that enough for a relationship? Or am I thinking with my libido again?

Maybe I need to meet with Remy on my own. Let him talk me into seeing Adam as a nice dick with a man attached.

"It's late. I'll text him in the morning," I say.

Adam nods of course.

"I should get to bed." I stand. "You wore me out."

For a second, his face fills with pride.

It warms me everywhere.

Then he stands, wraps his arms around me, pulls me into a soft slow kiss, and whispers, "Good night, Danielle."

And I float away completely.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Danielle

I fall asleep quickly. Wake warm and safe, with memories of Adam's body against mine.

He's already out of bed. The sky is already blue. The sun is already shining.

A cold, sunny day. Classic New York winter.

If it was a normal Saturday, I'd slip into my workout gear and dance in the living room. Then I'd drag Remy out of bed, go to brunch, drink too much coffee.

Spend the day wandering around the city, trying to soak in as much sun as possible, despite the cold temperature.

Now that I'm here in Adam's apartment, in his life?

I want to spend the day in bed with him. On the couch. In the shower. I don't care, as long as his body is pressed against mine.

I rise, wash, find coffee in a French press and a note on the counter.

There's almond milk in the fridge and honey in the pantry. Drink as much as you desire.

- Adam

It's a note, not a love letter, but it's a start. He's communicating with me. And casually. Well, casually by Adam standards.

I stretch my arms over my head. Let out a yawn. I want to move too, but I need to touch base with Remy first.

I find my cell, fix a cup of coffee, and curl up on the couch.

Danielle: What are you doing today?

Remy: Listening to your gossip about Adam's dick.

Danielle: We're in the city for the weekend.

Remy: Please tell me it's so you can fuck someplace new. Some rich person place, like a private room in a restaurant, or the balcony at the opera.

Danielle: Wouldn't someone notice?

Remy: Maybe not full on fucking. But you could drop to your knees and unzip his slacks. And time your finishing move to the uh, what's the climax of an opera called?

Danielle: I would know?

Remy: Yeah. You're a fancy rich girlfriend now. You've got the clothes. You've got the knowledge of visual art. Next step, opera oral.

Danielle: Why are you so obsessed with oral sex?

Remy: I don't understand the question.

Danielle: Never mind.

Remy: Danny, don't tell me you're not generous.

Danielle: Why aren't you concerned he's not generous?

Remy: He had generous energy.

Danielle: Based on what?

Remy: His photo.

Danielle: And I don't?

Remy: You could go either way.

Danielle: Asshole.

Remy: You love it.

I do.

Danielle: Can you do brunch today? Adam wants to meet you.

Remy: Really?

Danielle: What's surprising about that?

Remy: What isn't?

Danielle: Yes or no?

Remy: I can't promise I won't ask about your generosity.